


Star Trek- Lost on Muppet 7!

by MysticaSmith



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation, The Muppets - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Muppets (Muppets), Original Character(s), Romulans, Star Trek - Freeform, Star Trek TNG, script
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 14:30:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15865506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticaSmith/pseuds/MysticaSmith
Summary: Beverly Crusher and Jean-Luc Picard are on their honeymoon in a fancy little cruiser when they are attacked by pirates and forced to land on a swampy, uncharted world, Muppet 7.  Rats steal their dilithium crystal and cold start solenoid, so they can't take off. Kermit befriends them and falls in love with Beverly. He helps them recover their lost dilithium crystal, only to discover that not only can the love of his life now leave, but the ship's fiery blast will destroy the swamp he calls home. Beverly convinces Jean-Luc that forced relocation is no way to treat indigenous species, so they must also find the cold start solenoid, braving a tribe of cannabalistic pigs. The pirate captain, T'Shara, half Betazoid and half Romulan, is Troi's crazy cousin. Deanna receives telepathic distress calls and the crew of the Enterprise comes to the rescue!





	Star Trek- Lost on Muppet 7!

SCRIPT TITLE: STAR TREK- LOST! ON MUPPET 7

 

Written by CYNTHIA NORRIS-BROOKS (MYSTICA SMITH)  
Screenwriting IV, Olympic College, 2018

 

STAR TREK LOST! ON MUPPET 7

 

FADE IN:

INT. SPACESHIP STAR LILY  
CAPTAIN JEAN-LUC PICARD and DR. BEVERLY CRUSHER relax in  
their luxury mini-starship, the STAR LILY. Soft classical  
music plays in the background.

BEVERLY  
Jean-Luc, shouldn’t we have filed  
our travel plans with Starfleet?

PICARD  
It’s only a three hour tour,  
Beverly, we’ll be fine.

Picard hands Beverly a glass and she accepts.

PICARD (CONT’D)  
Relax, Beverly. This is our  
honeymoon, and nothing will go  
wrong.

They clink glasses and enjoy the view of the galaxy on the forward screen.

INT. PIRATE SHIP  
On the bridge of the Pirate Ship. T’SHARA, half Romulan and  
half Betazoid, attractive with long hair, sits in the  
captain’s seat. The other pirates are a giant cockroach, a  
Wookie, a giant Wookie, three blue women, and a giant piglike  
creature. They have arachnid-style battle droids, and  
are watching the Star Lily on their forward viewscreen.

T’SHARA  
This is what we’re looking for.  
Easy money.

The other pirates jump around and get excited, the cockroach  
clicks incoherently.  
T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
No! You guys stay here until I tell  
you differently!

T’Shara jumps up.  
T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
I’m going to follow them separately  
in my speeder!

She transports away from the bridge.

INT. PIRATE SHIP  
T’Shara materializes in the frigate’s shuttle bay. Beside the  
shuttles is a dark, small Betazoid craft, BESSIE, that lights  
up and chirps as she approaches. An entrance opens, as Bessie  
continues to chirp excitedly. T’Shara enters and the door  
closes behind her.  
After she enters Bessie, the shuttle bay doors open and  
Bessie takes off, chirping, purring, and glittering.

INT. BESSIE  
The ship’s interior is like a comfortable study. T’Shara is  
enjoying herself immensely, listening to music while Bessie  
is controlled by telepathy.

T’SHARA  
It’s just you and me on another  
chase, Bessie. Go to warp 1 and  
cloak. Follow the Star Lily.

She sends a message back to the frigate.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
I’m going to try to hypnotize them  
into giving their ship to me.

Incoherent clacking from the giant cockroach comes in over  
the ship’s com device.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
No! And don’t do anything stupid!  
If Starfleet arrives play dumb!  
Remain cloaked and stay hidden  
behind that dark moon until you  
hear from me!

More indistinct clacking. T’Shara rolls her eyes.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
They’ll do something stupid, that’s  
why I’ll do this myself.

INT. STAR LILY  
Beverly and Jean-Luc Picard notice T’Shara’s ship decloaking  
beside them.

PICARD  
What is that? I’m opening a hailing  
frequency, and putting it on  
viewscreen.

An image of T’Shara appears on the Star Lily’s forward  
viewscreen. Beverly and Jean-Luc start hearing pleasant music  
playing in their minds.

T’SHARA  
Greetings, fellow travelers. I am  
T’Shara of Vulcan. I am just  
admiring your beautiful new vessel.

PICARD  
That’s an interesting ship you have  
there as well. It’s most unusual to  
see a small, antiquated Betazoid  
craft this far from Betazed.  
Especially one that has been  
modified with a Romulan cloaking  
device.

T’SHARA  
I would be happy to show it to you,  
Captain, but I would like to  
examine your beautiful new vessel  
first.

Beverly and Picard stare at her, and hear T’Shara’s voice in  
their minds over the music.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
We should invite her aboard.

BEVERLY  
Jean-Luc, I don’t think she’s a  
Vulcan. My guess is half Betazoid  
and half Romulan. I just had the  
sensation of being telepathically  
controlled.

PICARD  
I agree. That craft that can only  
be operated by telepathy and she’s  
trying to trick us into giving her  
access to our ship.

They hear T’Shara’s voice in their minds again.

T’SHARA  
Some Vulcans have telepathic  
abilities, too.

PICARD  
Oh no, not like this.

He responds over the communications frequency.

PICARD (CONT’D)  
Thank you for your kind offer, but  
I’m afraid we will have to decline.  
However if you are lost we can  
direct you to the nearest Starbase.

T’SHARA  
Then pardon me for the intrusion.

The music fades.

INT. BESSIE  
T’Shara changes the hailing frequency back to the pirate  
ship.

T’SHARA  
It didn’t work. They correctly  
identified my ship and they’re  
savvy to Betazoid mind control  
techniques. Go to Plan B!

Clacking from the cockroach comes over the com link.

EXT. STARSHIP- VIEW OF THE GALAXY  
Bessie recloaks, disappearing, as the Star Lily flies past a  
small dark moon with an old, ugly armored Ferengi frigate,  
the PIRATE SHIP, hiding behind it. The Pirate Ship starts  
chasing them and shooting phaser fire.

INT. SPACESHIP STAR LILY

PICARD  
Shields up!

They work the controls.

BEVERLY  
Jean-Luc, the shields are up and  
I’ve opened a hailing frequency,  
and I’ll keep searching for the  
cloaked Betazoid vessel.

PICARD  
Let’s see what they have to say for  
themselves. On screen.

INT. PIRATE SHIP  
The pirates are joking and jostling one another, excited by  
the chase. The cockroach is clacking wildly and everyone else  
ignores him. A blue woman pushes the cockroach aside and  
takes T’Shara’s seat.

INT. STAR LILY VIEWSCREEN  
The blue woman smiles while the cockroach clacks.

PICARD  
What is the meaning of this? Why  
have you fired on my vessel?

BLUE PIRATE WOMAN  
We like your vessel. We like it a  
lot. Surrender now and you won’t be  
harmed.

BEVERLY  
Jean-Luc, they’re pirates!

BLUE PIRATE WOMAN  
Prepare to be boarded.

PICARD  
I’ll be damned if common thugs are  
going to steal my ship!

He works the controls, and the screen goes dark.

EXT. SPACESHIP STAR LILY  
The Star Lily accelerates and the Pirate Ship follows.

INT. STAR LILY  
Beverly and Picard both frantically work the controls.

PICARD  
We’re faster than they are, we can  
easily outrun them.

BEVERLY  
But we aren’t armed. All we have is  
a mini-phaser array. We can’t blast  
through all that armor.

PICARD  
Keep searching for the cloaked  
Betazoid ship. I’ll aim for their  
exterior arrays and knock out any  
of their systems I can.

EXT. SPACESHIPS  
The Star Lily accelerates, preparing to go to warp, the  
Pirate Ship struggling to keep up as it fires torpedoes at  
the Star Lily. Despite evasive maneuvers, one hits the  
starboard nacelle and the right engine quits, on fire. Picard  
struggles to maintain control as the Star Lily speeds on.

INT. PIRATE SHIP  
The pirates are cheering and shouting at each other as they  
watch the engine on the Star Lily sputter and quit. The  
cockroach clicks wildly. An image of T’Shara appears on their  
viewscreen.

T’SHARA  
I know! But he can’t go to warp  
without both engines. Don’t lose  
them! If he swerves off onto a  
planet I can follow him without  
being seen and report back their  
position. And remember, disable  
their ship. Don’t blow it up like  
you did the last one!

EXT. SPACESHIPS  
Even with one engine, the Star Lily is still faster than the  
old pirate frigate. Several more torpedoes miss the Star Lily  
as it speeds away, shooting a phaser at the pirate frigate,  
hitting a sensor array. Both ships approach a lone star with  
several small planets. The Star Lily veers sharply to the  
left towards a little green planet.

INT. SPACESHIP STAR LILY  
Picard struggles to steer the Star Lily while Beverly works  
the controls and aims again at the Pirate Ship.

BEVERLY  
Jean-Luc! The seventh planet in  
this system is reading life signs  
as a Class M planet. It may be safe  
to land there.

PICARD  
Agreed. It would seem our best  
option.

EXT. SPACESHIPS  
The Star Lily veers off again at a hard left and the frigate  
struggles to compensate and follow. Another round of phaser  
fire hits another of the frigate’s exterior sensors.

The frigate struggles to turn around but finally succeeds in  
turning to follow the Star Lily.

INT. SPACESHIP STAR LILY  
Picard pilots the Star Lily while Beverly continues to work  
the controls.

EXT. SPACESHIPS  
The Star Lily enters the atmosphere of Muppet 7, leaving the  
pirate ship far behind. Only a faint glittery trail indicates  
T’Shara still in pursuit.

EXT. SPACESHIP STAR LILY  
The Star Lily descends to the planet’s surface in a  
controlled crash, coming to rest in a swamp. Hundreds of  
Muppet creatures panic and hide.

INT. STAR LILY  
Picard and Beverly recover from the crash.

PICARD  
Beverly, are you hurt?

BEVERLY  
No, I’m fine. But the planet’s  
cloud cover is so thick I can’t  
send a distress call through it.

PICARD  
Can you get any readings?

BEVERLY  
This is a Class M planet. I’m  
reading thousands of life signs  
outside the ship.

PICARD  
Very well. Set your phaser on stun  
and let’s have a look around, and  
see if we can repair the ship.

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
Beverly and Picard cautiously emerge from the Star Lily  
holding tricorders and phasers. Muppet 7 is a cloudy, swampy  
world. Muppets peek out of their hiding spots to watch.

BEVERLY  
I’m picking up life signs  
everywhere.

PICARD  
This is an uncharted world. Don’t  
let your guard down.

He looks at his tricorder.

PICARD (CONT’D)  
Breathable atmosphere, abundant  
water, thousands of life signs.

Curious Muppets start to emerge from their hiding places,  
especially the rats, several of whom sneak into the ship.  
Picard sees them and shouts.

PICARD (CONT’D)  
You there! Stop!

The rats scurry around as Beverly and Picard try to drive  
them away. Two rats emerge squeaking and squealing from the  
ship. One holds a dilithium crystal, the other has a shiny  
metal object, the cold start solenoid.  
They flee into the swamp as Picard closes the entrance.  
Beverly looks at her tricorder.

BEVERLY  
I’m picking up thousands of them.  
Muppet 7 must have a thriving  
civilization of these rat-like  
creatures.

PICARD  
Now we know why this world is  
uncharted! Everyone who landed her  
had their personal items stolen and  
promptly left again!

KERMIT THE FROG, small and green, emerges from the swamp. He  
sees Beverly and its Love At First Sight. He approaches  
timidly and introduces himself.

KERMIT  
I’m sorry about the rats. Hello,  
I’m Kermit the Frog. Can I help  
you?

Picard and Beverly notice the little green frog person.

BEVERLY  
Hello, Kermit. I’m Beverly, and  
this is Jean-Luc Picard.

PICARD  
Are you the only sentient life form  
on this planet besides the rats, or  
are there others?

Kermit looks confused.

KERMIT  
Well, there’s lots of frogs right  
here in the swamp. This is our  
home.

Beverly scans Kermit with her tricorder and he starts  
giggling wildly and hopping around.

BEVERLY  
What is it?

KERMIT  
Ha ha ha! Oh that tickles! Hey, do  
that again!

Beverly scans him again as Kermit laughs and bounces around.  
Other curious frogs emerge from hiding, and Gonzo runs up.

GONZO  
Oh me next! Me me!

Beverly scans him while he laughs and jumps around.

BEVERLY  
What type of creature are you?

KERMIT  
We still don’t know what Gonzo is.

GONZO  
See what I can do!

Gonzo stretches his arms, legs and nose out.

GONZO (CONT’D)  
Ah ha! Impressive, isn’t it?

BEVERLY  
I admit I’ve never seen anything  
quite like it on the hundreds of  
worlds I’ve visited.

PICARD  
Listen, Kermit. Can you help us  
recover the crystal and the  
solenoid the rats stole?

KERMIT  
I can try. I don’t know what those  
things are, and the rats have an  
entire underground city, but I’ll  
certainly try.

He turns to the other frogs.

KERMIT (CONT’D)  
Hey guys, let’s spread the word and  
start searching for those shiny  
metal thingies the rats stole.

The frogs agree and disperse.

INT. BESSIE  
T’Shara flies slowly over the planet’s heavily wooded, swampy  
surface looking down through the viewscreen. Light music  
plays.

T’SHARA  
They have to be here somewhere in  
this nasty bog.

INT. FUTURISTIC BEDROOM  
DEANNA TROI and WILL RIKER are sleeping in their bed. Deanna  
wakes up startled from a dream. She awakens Will.

DEANNA  
Will, I just had the strangest  
dream. Beverly and Jean-Luc were  
being stalked on a strange swamp  
world full of talking frogs by my  
cousin T’Shara in that old speeder  
she calls Bessie. Parts of their  
ship had been stolen by rats and  
there was a giant cockroach.

Will laughs.

WILL  
That old C-Class speeder T’Shara  
loves so much? How could anybody  
hunt with one of those? Besides,  
what would T’Shara be doing on a  
strange swamp world? Unless there’s  
a lounge on that swamp world and  
the talking frogs are serving  
drinks.

Will laughs at his own joke.

DEANNA  
I don’t know, I just know that  
something is wrong. Beverly and  
Jean-Luc could be in danger.

WILL  
That sounds like a wild dream, all  
right. How about we go back to  
sleep, and if we don’t hear from  
them in a few days we’ll contact  
Starfleet?

He rolls over and tries to go back to sleep.

DEANNA  
What if they truly are in danger?

WILL  
I doubt it, Deanna. The last time  
we saw T’Shara she was drunk as a  
lord on Risa, and if there’s anyone  
who can take care of himself, it’s  
Jean-Luc Picard. They’re probably  
fine and you just had a nightmare.

Will closes his eyes but Deanna continues to look worried.  
Deanna stares off and starts to remember. The VOICES of her  
10-year old self and 10-year-old T’Shara go through her mind.

YOUNG T’SHARA  
Come on, Deanna! It will be fun!

FLASHBACK  
Both girls are hiding under a table taking turns sipping from  
a tropical drink. Then they giggle wildly. The scene changes  
to them both being reprimanded. Young Deanna looks over at  
young T’Shara. 

YOUNG DEANNA  
(Telepathically)  
I told you we’d get into trouble.

FLASHBACK  
EXT. SNOWY MOUNTAINTOP  
Both girls are getting into a toboggan at the top of a steep  
mountain.

YOUNG DEANNA (CONT’D)  
Are you sure this is safe?

YOUNG T’SHARA  
Of course it’s safe. It’ll be fun!

The scene shifts to both girls sitting in the hospital,  
bruised and bloody. They look over at each other.

YOUNG DEANNA  
Why do I always believe you?

YOUNG T’SHARA  
Because we have lots of fun.

A doctor moves Young T’Shara’s arm and she screams.

YOUNG T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
When we don’t get hurt, anyway.

The scene shifts to a marketplace. Young T’Shara puts a  
golden jeweled comb in Young Deanna’s hair and smiles.

YOUNG T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
You look so pretty!

Then she takes Young Deanna’s hand and they run away. LWAXANA  
TROI, Deanna’s mother, grabs both of them as they run.

LWAXANA TROI  
Deanna Troi and T’Shara Br’Nith!  
You are descendants of the Fifth  
House of Betazed and this is  
beneath you both! I’m ashamed of  
your behavior! Now both of you go  
return that and apologize for  
stealing! Immediately!

Deanna rolls over in bed and sighs.

FLASHBACK  
EXT. DARK ALLEYWAY  
Both girls are sixteen and running down a dark roadway with  
angry voices behind them. They duck down into some shrubbery  
and T’Shara puts her finger up to her lips to indicate  
silence. They close their eyes and silence their minds as  
angry crowd of men pass by. Both collapse in relief.

INT. FUTURISTIC BEDROOM  
Deanna shifts around while Will sleeps soundly.

FLASHBACK  
INT. DORM ROOM  
Twenty-two year old cadets at Starfleet Academy, in their  
fresh new uniforms, Deanna reclines on her bed reading a  
book. T’shara enters, drunk with a flask in her hand. She  
sits down next to Deanna and offers it to her. Deanna takes  
the flask and throws it out an open window.

DEANNA  
You’re going to get us both thrown  
out of the Academy!

Ready to pass out, T’Shara puts her head on Deanna’s shoulder  
and slurs her words.

T’SHARA  
No… we won’t...

DEANNA  
I won’t, but you will if you don’t  
stop partying and study!

T’Shara starts to respond but passes out with her head on  
Deanna’s shoulder. Voices shout from outside the window as a  
passing STRANGER finds the flask.

STRANGER  
Wow, Romulan Rum! Thanks!

Twenty-two year old Deanna sighs.

INT. FUTURISTIC BEDROOM  
The scene shifts back to the Futuristic Bedroom and Deanna  
sighs again.

DEANNA  
T’Shara, what have you done now?

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
The rats are having a party, squealing, squeaking and dancing  
around the dilithium crystal. What they thought was a boulder  
is actually an enormous gray toad, who opens his mouth and  
steals the dilithium crystal with his tongue, and then leaps  
away, leaving the rats in distress.

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
Jean-Luc and Beverly are putting sod over their ship to  
disguise it from being seen on the ground or in the air.  
Kermit and the other frogs help.

KERMIT  
Who are you trying to hide from?

BEVERLY  
There’s a Romulan with telepathic  
powers searching for us, along with  
her pirate crew. We have to hide  
the ship.

A rat tries to swipe Picard’s tricorder while he works, and  
he swats it away. Several others eye Beverly’s equipment.  
Kermit scolds them.

KERMIT  
Hey you guys, quit that!

Spotted, the rats run away.

PICARD  
Not to mention keeping those damn  
rats out.

BEVERLY  
We need to get our dilithium  
crystal back from them somehow, or  
at least find a way to send a  
message to Starfleet.

PICARD  
First things first. We need to stop  
them from stealing anything else!

KERMIT  
Maybe I can help. The other frogs  
and I can look for it.

PICARD  
Thank you, that would be very  
helpful.

The frogs disperse as Picard picks up a piece of wood and  
uses it as a window shutter.

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
On the viewscreen, set to infrared, a glittery trail is  
visible in the clouds over the treetops. A glint of metal on  
the surface attracts T’Shara’s attention.

INT. BESSIE  
T’Shara looks again carefully at the viewscreen and checks  
the computer again.

T’SHARA  
That might just be them. Bessie,  
maintain position right above it  
and beam me down 20 meters to the  
left behind those giant trees.

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
T’Shara materializes behind two enormous cedar trees. She  
carefully sets down a bag and slowly peeks around the trees  
to observe, fascinated by the strange behavior of humans.  
Wondering why they are covering their ship with dirt she  
listens to Beverly and Picard’s conversation.

BEVERLY  
Well Jean-Luc, I never thought our  
first home would be a hobbit hole  
in a swamp.

He puts another shutter on a window.

PICARD  
Nor did I. But here we are.

Another rat sneaks up trying to steal a phaser and Jean-Luc  
stuns it. Other rats panic and run.

PICARD (CONT’D)  
Let’s lock everything up inside the  
ship and find enough wood to make a  
solid door to seal the entrance.

BEVERLY  
Agreed. I’m quite fond of the frogs  
but the rats are quick and sneaky.

The two huge trees start laughing. They are STANLEY and  
WALDORF.

WALDORF  
Watch out, they’ll steal the whole  
house with you in it!

Both trees laugh again.

PICARD  
What was that?

They draw their phasers and look around.

BEVERLY  
It sounded like laughter.

They look around, as faces appear on the trees.

STANLEY  
Hey, over here!

WALDORF  
Yeah, welcome to the neighborhood!

STANLEY  
Of course it’s not like we’ve ever  
left it!

Both trees laugh again, shaking their branches, and T’Shara  
steps slightly away from them, wondering what they are. She  
is careful not to be seen by Beverly and Picard as she uses  
her own tricorder on them.

BEVERLY  
Jean-Luc! Look! The trees are  
talking!

She steps forward with her tricorder, and takes readings.

PICARD  
Careful! Don’t get too close until  
you know what they are!

BEVERLY  
Amazing! These are sentient,  
intelligent plants able to  
communicate!

The trees erupt into laughter.

STANLEY  
Intelligent? Now that’s something  
we’ve never been called before!

Both trees laugh again.

WALDORF  
Compared to the rats and the frogs!

They laugh some more as Kermit appears from the swamp with a  
bouquet of flowers.

KERMIT  
Hey you guys! Try to be nice for a  
change!

Then Kermit ignores the heckling trees and turns to Beverly.  
He offers her the flowers.

KERMIT (CONT’D)  
Beverly, I thought you might like  
these.

She accepts the bouquet.

BEVERLY  
Thank you Kermit. That’s very kind  
of you.

KERMIT  
You’re welcome. We’re still looking  
for the shiny metal thingy and the  
crystal the rats stole. How goes  
the home building?

PICARD  
Very well, thank you. However, for  
obvious reasons, we still require a  
door.

BEVERLY  
Jean-Luc, Kermit and I can stay  
here and keep the rats out while  
you find some more wood.

PICARD  
Agreed. If I hurry I can get the  
door finished by sundown.

BEVERLY  
Be careful, Jean-Luc.

He turns to leave.

PICARD  
You as well. We don’t know what  
other life forms may be on this  
planet.

Picard leaves as Kermit and Beverly sit down together in  
front of the empty doorway.

KERMIT  
So, tell me about your planet. I’ve  
never been out of the swamp.

BEVERLY  
Well, Kermit, there are millions of  
worlds. Some of them are inhabited,  
but most are not. I come from a  
planet called Earth. Some parts of  
it are swampy, like your world, but  
two thirds of it is covered by deep  
water we call oceans, and the rest  
is dry land.

KERMIT  
Wow. Have you seen all these  
worlds?

BEVERLY  
Some of them. Certainly not all.

Busily listening, T’Shara does not see the rats hopping into  
her bag and hopping back out with objects. One leaves with a vial of blue powder.

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
Jean-Luc Picard follows the narrow trail past the talking  
trees and T’Shara slinks out of sight until he passes by. She  
momentarily hesitates, but decides to remain in place and  
eavesdrop on Kermit and Beverly.

Picard finds a downed, dead tree and uses his phaser to cut a  
large round piece from the fallen log.

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
Music drifts on the air until T’Shara’s curiosity compels her  
to peek. She sees Kermit playing a small guitar and singing a  
song for Beverly while the other frogs form a choir and Gonzo  
dances around, getting into it. T’Shara suppresses her  
laughter and watches. Kermit shyly confesses his love for  
Beverly in a song.

After listening to the song, T’Shara turned around and sees  
her bag open. She leaps on it to discover it empty except for  
a last rat which leaps out. She exclaims in distress.

EXT. MUPPET 7- NIGHT  
Night falls and T’Shara catches a glance of an enormous,  
warty frog coveting and clutching the dilithium crystal  
closely. She draws her phaser to stun it but before she can  
shoot, the toad disappears down into some deep, stagnant  
water. T’Shara stays hidden and motionless to watch Picard as  
he passes by her rolling the new door for their hobbit hole.

Picard rolls the new door into the clearing where Kermit and  
Beverly are still keeping the rats out of the ship. Together  
they mount the door as mosquitos start to emerge. Kermit eats  
one, as Picard and Beverly swat several more.

BEVERLY  
Well Kermit, we’ll leave you to  
your dinner and see you tomorrow  
morning.

KERMIT  
Good night, Beverly.

Picard and Beverly wave goodnight to Kermit and disappear  
into the hobbit hole, closing the door. Kermit stares sadly  
at the door.

T’Shara swats a mosquito and then another.

T’SHARA  
(muttering to herself)  
I don’t need this!

T’Shara beams back into the safety and comfort of her ship. A  
giant mosquito buzzes by where she was standing. Kermit hops  
forlornly back into the swamp.

INT. BESSIE  
T’Shara looks in disgust at her empty bag.

T’SHARA  
Those damn rats stole my stash! Now  
I know why those humans barricaded  
their ship!

She opens a drawer and takes out a small pipe. She  
inhales, relaxes, and blows blue smoke.

INT. STAR LILY  
Beverly and Jean-Luc use the ship’s replicator to create  
their dinner and they sit down together.

PICARD  
I think now we should be able to  
keep the rats out of the ship.

BEVERLY  
Other than the rats this is quite a  
charming, interesting world.

PICARD  
Doubtless I will find it more  
appealing when I have the option of  
leaving it. We can start looking  
for the dilithium crystal tomorrow.  
Hopefully the rats didn’t take it  
far.

BEVERLY  
Kermit said they have an entire  
civilization underground.

PICARD  
Possibly. We’ll find out in the  
morning. There may well be other  
life forms we haven’t yet  
encountered. If the two talking  
trees hadn’t laughed at us we would  
still be unaware that they were  
sentient.

EXT. MUPPET 7- NIGHT  
A giant mosquito buzzes past the door to the hobbit hole,  
making a loud noise like a lawn mower, then another.

A third is caught and eaten by a velociraptor, which then  
stops and sniffs the door of the dwelling, making a curious  
clucking noise. Three others run past and with a final growl  
at the door, it joins them, racing off into the night to  
chase and eat giant mosquitoes.

INT. STAR LILY  
Picard and Beverly pause eating at the unfamiliar sound.

PICARD  
What was that?

Another giant mosquito drones by.

BEVERLY  
Giant mosquitos?

PICARD  
There was something else. A  
growling type of noise.

Picard picks up his phaser and his tricorder, and stands  
behind the door.

BEVERLY  
Is there anything there?

PICARD  
No. Whatever it was seems to have  
passed along. It wouldn’t be wise  
to go out there in the dark, we’ll  
investigate come morning.

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
Both windows of the hobbit hole open slightly, phasers aimed  
and ready. The wooden shutters open slightly further,  
tricorders and phasers both visible.

BEVERLY  
Do you read anything?

PICARD  
The same readings as yesterday.

They open their windows a little more and look out at the  
swamp. Then they look down and see the footprints.

BEVERLY  
Something was here last night.

PICARD  
Perhaps a predator of some sort.  
Whatever creature made those prints  
could be the reason the rats live  
primarily underground.

BEVERLY  
Three toes, large talons, perhaps  
some sort of raptor. Whatever it  
was, I’m very glad we secured the  
ship!

PICARD  
Agreed. However, we still need to  
venture out in order to find the  
dilithium crystal, but we can’t let  
our guard down the way we did  
yesterday.

Beverly nods and they close the windows. They then open the  
door, keeping their phasers ready. They examine the prints as  
Kermit hops up holding another bouquet. He shouts and drops  
the flowers when he sees the prints.

PICARD (CONT’D)  
Kermit, do you know what manner of  
creature made these tracks?

Kermit quakes in fear.

KERMIT  
Hunters! Hunters make footprints  
like that!

PICARD  
Can you describe these creatures?

KERMIT  
Big scary lizards with sharp teeth  
that come out at night! They run  
real fast and eat anything they  
catch!

Picard examines the tracks more carefully, while Kermit takes  
refuge behind Beverly. Gonzo ambles along and then when he  
sees the raptor prints he shouts, turns, and runs right back  
where he came from, screaming.

PICARD  
These tracks appear to be twelve  
hours old. Let’s hope the creatures  
passed by and won’t return.

BEVERLY  
Kermit, anything else you can tell  
us about the hunters would be  
helpful. Do they come here often?

Kermit is shaking but after Gonzo’s cowardly departure wants  
to look brave.

KERMIT  
No, almost never. There’s only  
little creatures here like rats and  
frogs to eat. They would rather  
hunt the pigs over the mountain. At  
least I hope they do.

BEVERLY  
Then let’s hope they don’t return.

PICARD  
But we will not count on it.  
Beverly, don’t let your guard down.  
Keep your phaser ready at all  
times.

They lock the door to the ship and proceed on foot.

KERMIT  
Where are you guys going?

Kermit hops along behind them.

PICARD  
It is imperative that we find the  
dilithium crystal, as soon as  
possible.

Kermit follows Beverly and Picard as they search the ground  
for traces of where the dilithium crystal may be hidden  
underground in a rat nest.

Unbeknownst to them, T’Shara beams down from her ship,  
reappearing in her previous spot behind the two trees. She  
exclaims in silent displeasure to see the raptor tracks and  
draws her disruptor. She looks around nervously as she watches  
Beverly and Picard. Then she beams back to her ship, and  
watches them on her viewscreen. The cloaked vessel follows  
them invisibly overhead.

T’SHARA  
I’ll wait until they find the  
crystal! In the meantime, time to  
rendezvous with my crew.

EXT. SPACESHIPS  
She flies up out of the cloud layer and contacts the Pirate  
Ship.

INT. PIRATE SHIP  
The pirates are smoking, drinking, and playing cards. The  
three blue women are smoking something iridescent from a  
magical-looking hookah, exhaling blue smoke. The cockroach  
clacks its mandibles together as the Wookie becomes offended,  
and the pig-like creature becomes offended and throws his  
cards at the Wookie. A brawl ensues.

T’Shara appears on the forward viewscreen.

T’SHARA  
What are you doing? Have you been  
conducting the sensor sweeps?

The cockroach clacks and one of the blue women hides the  
hookah. T’Shara sees it. The pig and the Wookie are obviously  
drunk. The Wookie bellows a generalized complaint.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
Get back to work! I found the  
target ship. Be ready to act when I  
notify you!

The cockroach waves its arms around.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
Why haven’t you fixed the sensor  
array? That was the only thing they  
managed to damage! Stay cloaked and  
keep watching for Starfleet!

The cockroach clacks and the blue women nod as she switches  
off the channel.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
They’re all worthless except the  
giant bug that no one else can  
understand because they’re not  
telepathic! But first things first.

She beams out.

INT. PIRATE SHIP  
T’Shara appears in a storeroom. She opens a secret panel and  
removes a box. She replaces the panel and beams out.

EXT. SPACESHIPS  
T’Shara flies her craft back to the previous position.

INT. BESSIE  
T’Shara opens the box, removing a vial of precious blue powder. She holds it close and cherishes it. Then she loads some of the powder into her pipe and inhales. She relaxes and exhales blue smoke, sighing audibly.

INT. STARBASE LOUNGE  
Deanna Troi, Will Riker, GEORDI LAFORGE, WORF, and DATA sit  
around a table.

DEANNA  
I’m still worried about Beverly and  
Jean-Luc. No one’s heard from them,  
and there’s no travel plans on  
file.

DATA  
Maybe they do not wish to be found.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
That’s not like Jean-Luc Picard.  
He’s a by the book kind of guy. If  
he didn’t file a flight plan then  
he either wasn’t planning to be  
gone more than a few hours, or  
didn’t leave at all.

WILL  
There’s no answer on their home,  
ship, or personal communicators.  
I’m starting to agree with Deanna.  
Maybe something did happen.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Counselor, have you ever had dreams  
like this before?

DEANNA  
Sometimes. Collective dreaming is  
common among telepaths. It’s the  
distance and unplanned nature of  
the dream that are unusual.  
However, when T’Shara and I were  
little and my father would take us  
camping in the wilderness, we would  
have dream games for something to  
do. The dream had the same quality  
to it as those games.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
But why would your cousin be after  
Dr. Crusher and Admiral Picard? Is  
it possible she’s working with the  
Romulans?

DEANNA  
I don’t know. Her parents sent her  
to live with us when she was eight  
years old. She didn’t fit in on  
Betazed or Romulus. There were  
Betazoids who accused her of being  
in league with the Romulans, and on  
Romulus she became paranoid because  
of what she felt was constant lying  
and deception.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Well, nothing she could have  
learned on Romulus would have been  
a good influence.

DATA  
When was the last time you spoke to  
your cousin?

DEANNA  
Will and I spoke to her on Risa  
several months ago.

WILL  
She was wildly drunk and we had to  
intervene to prevent an altercation  
between her and some Ferengi.  
Several times. It took my boot to  
one’s back to finally get the point  
across.

WORF  
I do not like the sound of any of  
this. I believe we should mount a  
search for Dr. Crusher and Admiral  
Picard. We will also search for  
Counselor Troi’s inebriated cousin  
if she wishes it.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Let’s do it then. The Enterprise is  
mine now. Send a subspace message  
to Starfleet and let’s get going!

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
Jean-Luc Picard and Beverly Crusher are scanning the ground  
for traces of the missing dilithium crystal when it starts to  
rain. Several blue rats are dancing around and chattering  
wildly. The frogs all emerge from their hiding places and  
enjoy the downpour. Gonzo dances around. Beverly holds her  
hand out.

BEVERLY  
Jean-Luc, the rain is hot! It’s  
like a shower!

A mist starts to rise up off the ground.

PICARD  
It’s also obscuring our tricorder  
readings and making it difficult to  
detect anything approaching. We  
should go back to the ship and wait  
it out.

The rats and frogs are dancing around in the hot shower as  
they leave and return to their ship.

GONZO  
You don’t know what you’re missing!

As they approach the hobbit hole, several blue rats attempt  
to enter, but they use their phasers to stun the rats. The  
raptor tracks are completely obscured and washed away by the  
rain and mist. Beverly and Jean-Luc return to their ship.

INT. STAR LILY  
Soaking wet, they remove their jackets and boots. They then  
look at each other and embrace.

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
Back in the swamp, Gonzo and the frogs are having a rain  
party. The huge toad with the dilithium crystal also emerges  
from the mud and enjoys the rain. Kermit notices and  
approaches.

KERMIT  
Excuse me, but that crystal belongs  
to a friend of mine.

The warty toad glares at Kermit and acts physically menacing.

WARTY TOAD  
It’s mine, little frog. Back off!

Kermit shakes but continues.

KERMIT  
But that crystal belongs to Beverly  
and Jean-Luc Picard. They need it  
to make their ship go. The rats  
stole it from them.

The toad picks up Kermit and growls.

WARTY TOAD  
And I took it from the rats. Back  
off little tree frog before I eat  
you!

The toad tosses Kermit aside and Kermit runs and hides.

INT. BESSIE  
T’Shara is lying back in her chair with her eyes closed,  
smoking her pipe and enjoying the sound of the rain on the  
hull of the ship mixed with light classical music. There is a  
slight blue tint to her cheeks. Abruptly the rain stops and  
she opens her eyes. She takes a drink from a flask, and then  
checks the viewscreen and sees the entire planet shrouded in  
heavy mist. It rises off the trees like a magical veil. As  
the sunlight strikes the upper layer of mist rainbows  
occasionally refract off of it to the sound of the music.

T’SHARA  
It’s beautiful. Too bad monsters  
are hiding in it. But that’s the  
way of things, isn’t it?

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
When the mist clears, T’Shara beams down to her favorite  
surveillance spot behind the trees, tricorder firmly secured  
to her belt, and finds Kermit holding a bouquet and crying.  
She looks around carefully, holding her disruptor, and  
approaches.

T’SHARA  
Hello, little frog. What are you  
crying about? Were you attacked by  
a monster?

Kermit wipes away some of his tears.

KERMIT  
No, I wasn’t attacked by a monster.  
Not yet, anyway. I’m just sad  
because I love a beautiful lady and  
she already has someone. He’s smart  
and strong, and I’m just a little  
frog. I’m not even a very brave  
frog, either. I know what she wants  
most in the world and I couldn’t  
get it for her.

T’Shara sits down on a rotten log with Kermit, putting her  
disruptor on her lap, safe from the rats.

T’SHARA  
I know what that’s like. Most of my  
love affairs end with someone  
trying to shoot me in the back.

KERMIT  
That does sound bad! I’m Kermit, by  
the way.

T’SHARA  
I’m T’Shara, from the planet  
Vulcan. So tell me about this lady  
that you love.

KERMIT  
Her name is Beverly, and she’s  
beautiful, with red hair and a  
magical voice. But she’d never  
leave Jean-Luc for a frog!

T’SHARA  
I must admit the odds are against  
it, but all is not lost. What is  
this thing that she wants more than  
anything else?

KERMIT  
She needs a magic crystal to make  
her ship go. The rats stole it as  
soon as they crash-landed here. I  
know who has it. A big warty toad  
about five times my size.

T’SHARA  
Do you know where this big warty  
toad is?

KERMIT  
Yes. He lives in the deep part of  
the swamp.

T’SHARA  
Then you should go tell her that.

KERMIT  
But once they get the crystal,  
they’ll fly away in their ship and  
I’ll never see her again. That’s  
horrible and selfish of me, isn’t  
it?

T’SHARA  
Yes, if you keep it a secret. But  
what makes you think she would  
never come back?

KERMIT  
Because they think this planet is a  
monster-filled swamp. And maybe  
they’re right. Have you been to  
many other planets?

T’SHARA  
Sure I have. Usually I go to  
planets with less rats where they  
serve drinks, but there are aspects  
of your planet that are lovely.

KERMIT  
Really? What did you think was  
beautiful?

T’SHARA  
I thought the rain sounded lovely  
and the mist rising off the trees  
was magical.

KERMIT  
Wow, I never saw it that way. Do  
you think you might like to stay  
here?

T’SHARA  
Probably not, but you can come with  
me if you’d like to leave.

KERMIT  
Really?

T’SHARA  
Sure. We’re friends, aren’t we?

KERMIT  
Yes, that would make me very happy.  
I wish I could see what you’ve  
seen.

T’SHARA  
There’s no reason you can’t. Come  
with me, and I’ll take you for a  
quick ride on my ship.

KERMIT  
Wow, thanks!

T’Shara beams herself and Kermit into her ship.

INT. BESSIE  
They materialize, and Kermit is overcome with wonder as she  
turns on the viewscreen, and they can see over the forest.  
Mist rises from all around.

T’SHARA  
Kermit, this is my ship. I call her  
Bessie. Put on your seat belt,  
Kermit. I like to drive fast!

The ship begins to move and the viewscreen shows the forest  
passing rapidly beneath them. Kermit watches in amazement.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
This is what your world looks like  
from the air.

KERMIT  
Wow! I never imagined this!

T’SHARA  
If you think this is amazing, wait  
until you see space.

The ship ascends until they are in a low orbit around Muppet  
7\. The vista of space appears on the forward viewscreen.

KERMIT  
Wow, it’s incredible. What are we  
looking at?

T’SHARA  
The is the galaxy, Kermit, and  
those are stars. They are far-away  
suns, like the one Muppet 7 orbits  
around. There are many, many more  
worlds orbiting around those  
faraway suns.

KERMIT  
It’s beautiful, and amazing. I  
never thought anything like this  
ever existed.

T’SHARA  
Wait until you see them! Space is  
so beautiful I never get bored of  
looking at it. Would you like to  
become a member of my crew and come  
along? Besides, you couldn’t be  
more incompetent than the crew I  
already have. I can train anyone,  
but I can’t fix stupid.

KERMIT  
Leave the swamp? I don’t know, and  
I don’t know anything about the way  
these spaceships run. I’d love to  
go with you, but that would mean  
leaving all of my friends. And what  
about Jean-Luc and Beverly?

T’SHARA  
Jean-Luc and Beverly can take care  
of themselves, Kermit. When they  
fix their ship they’ll be up here,  
too. I can assure you of that.

KERMIT  
This is a big decision. Can I take  
some time to think about it?

T’SHARA  
Of course, Kermit. Leaving home is  
a big decision. Take all the time  
you need to think it through. For  
now, let’s go back to the surface.  
The ship begins to descend.

KERMIT  
Okay, and thank you for showing me  
all of this. It’s a magical gift.

T’SHARA  
You’re very welcome, Kermit, and  
I’m so glad you’re my friend.

The ship descends through the atmosphere and resumes its  
prior position. They beam back down onto the surface.

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
T’Shara and Kermit beam back to the surface.

KERMIT  
Thank you, T’Shara. That was a  
truly amazing journey, and I’m  
really glad that your my friend,  
too.

Kermit and T’Shara shake hands. Then they sing Kermit’s  
Friendship Song. Gonzo and the other frogs join in and dance  
around.

INT. PIRATE SHIP  
To the sounds of Kermit’s Friendship Song, the card table  
flips over and the giant Wookie clocks the Wookie over the  
head. The pig slams into the giant cockroach, and the  
cockroach bites the pig back. The giant Wookie punches the  
pig and the cockroach.  
The three blue-skinned women exit the room and from behind  
the bulkhead release a knockout gas. The fighters collapse.  
The final strains of Kermit’s Friendship Song trail off.

INT. STAR LILY  
Beverly and Jean-Luc are lying in their bed.

BEVERLY  
So, Jean-Luc, what do you think of  
our honeymoon so far?

Jean-Luc laughs.

PICARD  
It’s certainly better than Will and  
Deanna’s. We were attacked by the  
Romulan Praetor and the Remans, and  
the Enterprise E was destroyed in  
the process.

BEVERLY  
At least we have only one Romulan  
to cope with!

PICARD  
One can be more than enough.

They both laugh, and there is a knock at the door.

PICARD (CONT’D)  
I wonder who that could be?

Both get up and put on bathrobes. They answer the door to see  
Kermit the Frog there.

BEVERLY  
Hello, Kermit.

KERMIT  
Hey, were you guys doing a rain  
dance too?

BEVERLY  
Um, sure. What do you need?

KERMIT  
I have great news. I know who has  
the magic crystal.

BEVERLY  
That’s fantastic! Where is it?

KERMIT  
At the bottom of the swamp. A big  
mean warty toad has it.

BEVERLY  
Give us a moment, Kermit. We’ll be  
right out.

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
Beverly and Picard follow Kermit into the swamp. Both check  
their tricorders.

BEVERLY  
It’s this way.

She follows the tricorder to where the large, warty toad lies  
in the mud groaning. He is clutching the dilithium crystal.

KERMIT  
What’s wrong with him?

BEVERLY  
He’s got radiation poisoning. The  
dilithium crystal is radioactive.

Beverly tries to take the crystal from the toad, who tries to  
fight her off but is too weak. He clutches the crystal and groans.

BEVERLY (CONT’D)  
We have to get him back to the  
ship.

Jean-Luc wraps the crystal in a lead cloth and puts it in a  
lead-lined box. Then he picks up the toad and they walk back  
to the ship. Gonzo joins them and walks quietly alongside.  
Several blue rats chitter dance wildly and run away.

INT. STAR LILY  
Beverly gives the toad a hypospray while Jean-Luc repairs the  
warp drive.

KERMIT  
Is he going to be okay?

BEVERLY  
He’ll be fine in a while. I’m glad  
we found him in time. Dilithium  
crystals are highly radioactive and  
not meant for hugging.

PICARD  
Beverly, I’ve fixed the ship. We  
can take off any time now.

KERMIT  
So, does this mean you’re leaving?

BEVERLY  
No, not yet. We need to find the  
cold start solenoid.

PICARD  
Beverly, I’m sorry about your frog  
friends, but the ship is  
operational. We can lift off.

BEVERLY  
But Jean-Luc, the fiery blast would  
destroy half the swamp! This is  
Kermit’s home!

KERMIT  
What!? You never said that! You  
can’t destroy the swamp!

BEVERLY  
Kermit, we will not destroy your  
home.

PICARD  
Beverly, they can simply move out  
the of the blast radius.

BEVERLY  
Jean-Luc, forced relocation is no  
way to treat indigenous life forms!

PICARD  
Without the cold start solenoid we  
have no other choice.

KERMIT  
I wouldn’t have told you where to  
find the crystal if I knew you were  
going to destroy the swamp with it!

BEVERLY  
Jean-Luc, we have to find the cold  
start solenoid!

PICARD  
So be it. Have you had any success  
in locating it?

GONZO  
I know where it is. The rats sold  
it to the pigs.

KERMIT  
Gonzo! Why didn’t you say that  
before?

GONZO  
What? You didn’t ask.

PICARD  
Where do these pigs live?

GONZO  
Over the hills on the mountain.

PICARD  
Can you lead us there?

GONZO  
I think so. It’s a pretty big  
mountain.

PICARD  
Very well. Let’s secure the ship  
and get started.

Beverly and Jean-Luc put the warty toad back in the swamp and secure the ship. They take backpacks, tricorders, and phasers. They barricade the doors and windows of the hobbit hole against rat intrusions. Then Jean-Luc, Beverly, Kermit and Gonzo set off.

INT. BESSIE  
T’Shara watches the above scene on her forward viewscreen.

T’SHARA  
Finally.

She beams down into the Star Lily.

INT. STAR LILY  
T’Shara beams into the Star Lily, tricorder in hand. First  
she ensures there is no one present. She carefully surveils  
the area, going through every drawer, careful to leave no  
trace of her inspection. Noticing a picture of Wesley  
Crusher, a wedding photo of Beverly and Jean-Luc, another  
wedding photo of Deanna and Will, and a group photo of the  
crew of the Enterprise. She picks up the group photo.

T’SHARA  
Deanna, you didn’t tell me you were  
promoted again! Then again, you  
wouldn’t have wanted to seem like  
you were bragging, would you? My  
beautiful cousin, are you a  
Starfleet captain or an admiral? I  
would be lying if I said I wasn’t  
jealous.

She puts down the group photo and picks up the wedding photo  
of Will and Deanna.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
Yes, I’m jealous. You know it, too,  
don’t you? I was invited to the  
second wedding on Betazed, but you  
didn’t tell me about the first one  
on Earth, with your Starfleet  
friends.

She sighs, and sets the photo down. Then she proceeds to  
inspect the ship’s equipment and download data from the Star  
Lily’s main computer.

INT. ENTERPRISE- BRIDGE  
Deanna turns to Geordi.

DEANNA  
Set a course for Muppet 7.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
What? Why? Who’d want to go there?  
That’s an uncharted swamp world.  
Nobody would go there except to get  
stuck in the mud.

DEANNA  
My cousin T’Shara is on Jean-Luc  
and Beverly’s ship. I just felt an  
overwhelming wave of jealousy from  
her. If she’s there, so are they.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Well, okay. That’s better than what  
we’ve got now. Lay in a course for  
Muppet 7, warp 5.

EXT. ENTERPRISE  
The ship changes course and goes to warp.

INT. STAR LILY  
T’Shara finishes taking readings, and beams back into her  
ship.

INT. BESSIE  
T’Shara materializes and sits down in her favorite chair.

T’SHARA  
Now we’re ready to get something  
done! That little cruiser will sell  
for fortune. Besides, Starfleet  
will just give them another one.

EXT. SPACESHIPS  
Bessie pulls alongside the Pirate Ship. She opens a hailing  
frequency.

INT. BESSIE  
T’Shara waits in Bessie until the interior of the Pirate Ship  
appears on the viewscreen. Only one blue woman is visible,  
sitting in the captain’s chair, smoking from a hookah. Smoke  
is coming from one of the consoles behind her.

T’SHARA  
Where is everyone else? Why is  
there smoke coming from the  
cloaking system console? Is that  
why the ship is visible? What  
happened?

BLUE PIRATE WOMAN  
They all got drunk and started  
fighting. Then they passed out.

Small flames flicker from where the smoke was emerging.

T’SHARA  
What? So why is the bridge on fire?

BLUE PIRATE WOMAN  
I’ll fix it, Captain.

The blue pirate woman gets up and sprays the console with  
foam. Smoke billows around and she coughs.

T’SHARA  
Get the rest of the crew up and  
tell them to get to work fixing the  
cloaking device. I found the downed  
ship and we’re ready to tractor it  
into the cargo bay.

BLUE PIRATE WOMAN  
I’m sorry, Captain, but the tractor  
beam isn’t working, either. Shields  
are down, too.

T’SHARA  
I left you people alone for two  
days and they destroyed the ship?

BLUE PIRATE WOMAN  
They were fighting, and broke half  
the consoles on the bridge.

T’SHARA  
This ship cannot be visible in case  
Starfleet comes looking! Wake them  
all up and tell them that if this  
ship isn’t operational by the time  
I return that I’ll replace them all  
with a frog!

BLUE PIRATE WOMAN  
Yes, Captain.

INT. BESSIE  
T’Shara sighs.

T’SHARA  
The frog wouldn’t have destroyed  
the ship.

She sits and thinks for a minute.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
We cannot be visible. Starfleet  
will find them and it will be  
prison for us all. This should have  
been a simple operation! I need an  
alibi.

EXT. SPACESHIPS  
Bessie recloaks and returns to the surface of Muppet 7.

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
Jean-Luc, Beverly, Kermit and Gonzo walk through the jungle.  
Muppets of all descriptions peek out of their hiding spots to  
watch them go by.

PICARD  
You know, Beverly, I really don’t  
see why the frogs can’t simply  
move.

KERMIT  
Because the swamp is our home.

BEVERLY  
Jean-Luc, we don’t set aside the  
Prime Directive just because the  
indigenous life forms are only  
frogs, or out of sheer convenience.

PICARD  
Duly noted. My own arguments on  
countless occasions have just come  
back to haunt me.

KERMIT  
Thank you, Beverly, for being my  
friend and helping us. What is the  
Prime Directive, anyway?

BEVERLY  
Our Prime Directive is a policy of  
non-interference with alien worlds,  
and especially with pre-contact  
species who haven’t yet achieved  
space flight on their own.

KERMIT  
We sure don’t have anything like  
that. Would you take me for a ride  
on your spaceship, Beverly?

BEVERLY  
I’d be happy to, Kermit, when we  
get it running again.

KERMIT  
My other new friend, T’Shara, took  
me for a ride in her spaceship, and  
the forest was beautiful from up  
there.

Beverly and Jean-Luc stop walking.

BEVERLY  
What? Kermit, what did you just  
say?

KERMIT  
Well, my other new friend, T’Shara,  
she’s from another planet, too, and  
she has a spaceship kind of like  
yours. Do you know each other?

PICARD  
We’ve crossed paths before, and I  
wouldn’t say we’re exactly friends.  
Did she ask you any questions about  
us?

KERMIT  
Well, not exactly.

BEVERLY  
Kermit, try to remember. Did you  
tell her anything about us?

KERMIT  
Only that the rats stole some parts  
from your ship and that I’m trying  
to help you get them back. I also  
told her that we were friends.

PICARD  
Then we can assume that she knows  
everything that Kermit knows. It  
may not have been advisable for us  
to have left the ship unguarded.  
You didn’t tell her where our ship  
was, did you?

KERMIT  
No, but I think she already knew.

PICARD  
Then speed is of the essence.  
Beverly, perhaps one of us should  
go with Gonzo to get the solenoid  
and the other should remain behind  
to guard the ship. Kermit, I wish  
you had mentioned this earlier. The  
ship may already be gone.

BEVERLY  
Agreed. Kermit and I will go back  
and guard the Star Lily. You and  
Gonzo go ahead.

Beverly and Jean-Luc embrace.

PICARD  
Beverly, be very careful. Don’t let  
your guard down.

BEVERLY  
I know. Be careful yourself!

The group parts ways.

INT. ENTERPRISE- BRIDGE  
An ensign sits at the com station, Geordi LaForge is in the  
captain’s chair.

ENSIGN  
Sir, I’ve picked up a ship’s  
signature warp trail. I think it  
might be the Star Lily.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Good, follow it.

ENSIGN  
I’m also picking up the warp  
signature of a Ferengi vessel.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
On screen. Any sign of it?

Space appears on the forward viewscreen.

ENSIGN  
Negative, sir, but the vessel could  
be cloaked.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
They usually are, just before they  
attack.

Geordi taps his com badge.

GEORDI LAFORGE (CONT’D)  
LaForge to Riker, Troi, Worf, and  
Data. We found the Star Lily’s  
trail. Meet me in my ready room.

INT. ENTERPRISE- CAPTAIN’S READY ROOM  
Geordi LaForge, Will Riker, Deanna Troi, Worf, and Data all  
sit around a conference table.

WILL  
What do we know?

GEORDI LAFORGE  
We found the warp trail signature  
of the Star Lily, and the signature  
of a Ferengi vessel.

WILL  
Do you think they were attacked by  
the Ferengi?

GEORDI LAFORGE  
That’s our best guess right now.  
We’re following the Star Lily’s  
trail, and the Ferengi appear to  
have been following them.

WORF  
Why would the Ferengi attack a  
small Starfleet vessel?

DATA  
Pirates are one possibility. They  
would not be so bold as to attack  
the Enterprise but a small craft  
like the Star Lily would have a  
high resale value on the black  
market. We have also confirmed that  
Admiral Picard and Captain Crusher  
did leave Starbase 9 in the Star  
Lily.

WILL  
Deanna and I had to stop some  
Ferengi from abducting her cousin  
T’Shara from Risa several months  
ago.

DEANNA  
It’s possible they returned and  
abducted her after we left.

DATA  
That is one possibility. The other  
is that she is working with them.  
That would partially explain the  
situation surrounding your original  
dream.

DEANNA  
T’Shara would never work with the  
Ferengi. And the Ferengi we  
encountered on Risa were slavers. I  
think it’s more likely they  
abducted her and the dream was some  
sort of distress call. They may  
have also taken the Star Lily for  
resale and plan on keeping Beverly  
as their ship’s doctor.

DATA  
In which case they might be holding  
Admiral Picard for ransom, or may  
have already killed him.  
Another possibility is that Captain  
Troi’s cousin killed the Ferengi,  
took their ship, and embarked on  
their errand of piracy herself.

Deanna Troi looks visibly disturbed.

DEANNA  
I don’t think she would do that.  
Besides, in my dream, she wasn’t in  
a Ferengi ship, she was in her old  
Betazoid speeder.

DATA  
However it is consistent with the  
evidence we have so far, if we  
allow that your telepathic dream  
was accurate. A small craft could  
also be easily stored inside the  
cargo bay of a larger vessel.

DEANNA  
Data, you’re calling my cousin a  
pirate! She may be a bit crazy and  
a drunk, but she wouldn’t do that.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Deanna, I understand that you’re  
close to your cousin and don’t want  
that to be true, and that you don’t  
want her to go to prison, but it  
does fit the evidence.

DEANNA  
I think it’s more likely there was  
some sort of plot by the Ferengi.  
T’Shara and Beverly could be in a  
terrible situation.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Have you had any more dreams  
concerning her or Beverly and Jean-  
Luc? Besides, earlier you said that  
she was on the Star Lily, and that  
she was jealous.

DEANNA  
No, I haven’t. And I think she was  
abducted by the Ferengi from Risa.  
Then they used the information they  
got from her to go after Beverly  
and Jean-Luc. I think she needs me.

Will perceives that Deanna is hiding something.

WILL  
In which case this could be a trap.  
The Ferengi we encountered on Risa  
were the worst kind. They could  
even be forcing T’Shara to do  
something, including using her to  
abduct Starfleet personnel. I’m  
with Deanna on this.

WORF  
Or worse. This could be some sort  
of trick by the Romulans. The  
Romulans are liars, and Deanna’s  
cousin is part Romulan. She spent  
part of her life on Romulus. We  
have no accounting of what she  
might have done while she was  
there.

Deanna is visibly upset, and Will intervenes.

WILL  
That’s always been part of  
T’Shara’s problem. People hold her  
ancestry against her. It’s no more  
her fault to be part Romulan than  
it is your choice to have been born  
a Klingon.

WORF  
The Romulans have deceived us at  
every turn, and they killed my  
parents at Khitimer. Do not ever  
trust them.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Whoa, guys, calm down. This is  
falling apart. We’ve covered all  
the facts, so we’ll reconvene when  
we know more. In the meantime,  
we’re going to assume that Beverly,  
Jean-Luc, and T’Shara all need  
rescuing from the Ferengi, or  
possibly even the Romulans, but  
we’re not blaming anybody until we  
have more proof than dreams and  
somebody’s race. This meeting is  
dismissed.

INT. ENTERPRISE- GUEST QUARTERS  
Will and Deanna are speaking alone.

WILL  
What are you thinking?

DEANNA  
Will, I wanted to help Beverly and  
Jean-Luc, not get T’Shara convicted  
of piracy! Maybe I never should  
have said anything about my dream!  
We should never have left her alone  
on Risa! We should have known those  
Ferengi would return!

WILL  
I know you want to protect her, but  
we need to accept the possibility  
that she’s guilty. You did the  
right thing. Don’t blame yourself.

DEANNA  
I am blaming myself, and it’s  
because we’re here to rescue our  
friends, but where were we when the  
Ferengi abducted her?

Will puts his hands on hers to calm her.

WILL  
Deanna, we don’t have any facts,  
all we have is a lot of speculation  
and a couple of warp signatures.  
That’s all. Geordi’s right, we  
don’t make any assumptions until we  
find them. We’ll sort it all out  
then, and until then we assume that  
they all need our help.

DEANNA  
We never should have left her alone  
on Risa.

WILL  
Maybe so, but there’s no changing  
that now. Besides, we can’t just  
drag her along with us everywhere  
we go, and hope it keeps her out of  
trouble.

DEANNA  
Maybe that’s exactly what I should  
have done. Maybe I should have kept  
her on the Enterprise with us...

WILL  
She flunked out of the Academy on  
her own, and she keeps getting into  
trouble on her own. People have  
free will, and you couldn’t have  
known the future. Besides, even if  
she turns out to have been guilty  
of piracy, if the Ferengi kidnapped  
her maybe we can claim that she  
acted under the influence of  
Stockholm Syndrome. Listen, we’ll  
think of something.

DEANNA  
They won’t believe us, Will.  
They’ll know we’re trying to  
protect her, and they’ll see her as  
a Romulan. I don’t think I can live  
with myself if this turns out  
badly.

He hugs her.

WILL  
Let’s find her and the happy  
newlyweds, first, shall we? Have a  
little faith in them to all do the  
right thing.

She returns his embrace.

INT. BESSIE  
T’Shara watches as Beverly and Kermit return to the Star  
Lily.

T’SHARA  
You needn’t have bothered, Beverly.  
The imbeciles who work for me broke  
our tractor beam!

She wills the ship to move, and tracks Jean-Luc Picard. She  
watches Picard and Gonzo. The forest around them begins to  
move, and she fires a phaser array.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
Well, Kermit, you almost got your  
wish.

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
Picard and Gonzo only see a volley of phaser fire explode in  
the forest around them. Picard grabs Gonzo and they take  
cover behind a tree.  
One after the other, five velociraptors are hit by phaser  
fire and fall down dead.  
Slowly, Picard and Gonzo come out of hiding.

GONZO  
What was that?

PICARD  
Phaser fire. But from where?

He looks around, and finds a dead velociraptor. Gonzo screams  
and hides behind a tree.

PICARD (CONT’D)  
It’s all right, you can come out.  
Someone or something killed them  
for us.

He looks up at the sky.

PICARD (CONT’D)  
Let’s keep going. How far away are  
they?

GONZO  
Who?

PICARD  
The pig tribe that the rats sold  
the cold start solenoid to.

GONZO  
Over this next hill and up on the  
mountain.

They continue walking.

INT. STAR LILY  
Kermit and Beverly play a board game. Beverly looks  
distressed.

KERMIT  
You’re worried about Jean-Luc,  
aren’t you?

BEVERLY  
Yes. I can’t help but think we’ve  
left him to his death. How is he  
going to get the cold start  
solenoid by himself against a tribe  
of pigs? And what if the hunters  
find him? I’ve been foolish.

She puts her head in her hands.

KERMIT  
But you tried to do the right  
thing.

BEVERLY  
It wasn’t worth his life.

KERMIT  
Oh, Beverly. I’m sorry. It’s all my  
fault. We could have moved.

BEVERLY  
It’s not your fault, Kermit, it’s  
mine.

KERMIT  
They’ll be okay. Jean-Luc is strong  
and smart. He’ll get what he’s  
looking for and be back before you  
know it.

Kermit sings the Hope Song to cheer her up.

INT. ENTERPRISE- BRIDGE  
Geordi LaForge sits in the captain’s chair. An ENSIGN sits at  
the ops console. Will and Deanna sit on either side of  
Geordi. Data stands in the back with Worf.

ENSIGN  
Captain, we’re approaching Muppet  
7\. There seems to be a Ferengi  
vessel in orbit.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
On screen.

The Pirate Ship appears on the forward viewscreen.

GEORDI LAFORGE (CONT’D)  
Open a hailing frequency.

ENSIGN  
They’re not responding. But sensors  
show their shields are down. Most  
of their systems are inoperative,  
sir.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Life signs?

ENSIGN  
Seven life signs, sir. Three are  
human, the others are aliens from  
the gamma quadrant.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
A crew of seven people?

ENSIGN  
They’re hailing us, sir.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
On screen.

The bridge of the Pirate Ship appears on the viewscreen. The  
giant cockroach is clicking his mandibles and waving his  
forearms around. A blue woman sits beside him smoking a  
hookah. Two arachnid battle droids are on the bridge with  
them.

GEORDI LAFORGE (CONT’D)  
Hello, this is Captain Geordi  
LaForge of the Federation Starship  
Enterprise. Who are you?

The cockroach continues to clack wildly and wave his forearms  
around.

GEORDI LAFORGE (CONT’D)  
Can we get the universal translator  
on this guy?

ENSIGN  
Negative, sir. Most of what he’s  
saying is subaudible and doesn’t  
match anything on file.

WORF  
I do not like the look of those  
robots.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
I’ve never seen anything like that  
before, either.

DATA  
I believe the robots are some sort  
of automated service members,  
probably a security detail. The  
other being in question is a  
burrowing alien from the  
subterranean civilization on Argus  
5\. Very little is known about them.

WILL  
So what’s he doing in the captain’s  
seat of a an old Ferengi freighter?

DATA  
The freighter is over a hundred  
years old and is only used as cargo  
transport due to its slow speed.

WILL  
So where are the Ferengi?

The cockroach clacks wildly again and taps the blue woman on  
the shoulder. She looks up from her hookah languidly and  
exhales slowly. The cockroach taps her again and points at  
the viewscreen. She tilts her head to focus her eyesight. The  
cockroach clacks continuously.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Can you communicate? Who is the  
captain of your ship?

BLUE PIRATE WOMAN  
She’s not here.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Now we’re getting somewhere. Do you  
know where she went?

BLUE PIRATE WOMAN  
To the planet.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
What’s the captain’s name? Is she a  
Ferengi?

BLUE PIRATE WOMAN  
No, she’s a Romulan named T’Shara.  
Ferengi females never leave their  
homeworld.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
What happened to the Ferengi?

BLUE PIRATE WOMAN  
They all died.

The cockroach waves his arms around and clacks.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Of what?

BLUE PIRATE WOMAN  
I don’t know.

The cockroach jumps up and down with his arms up.

DEANNA  
Geordi, he wants to surrender and  
negotiate safe passage back to his  
homeworld. He can only communicate  
telepathically. They’re a crew of  
former Ferengi slaves with only a  
rudimentary knowledge of how to  
operate a ship.

The blue woman goes back to smoking her hookah.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Okay, I’ll accept their surrender  
and do this guy a favor. Tell him  
we’re going to beam them all aboard  
and into our sickbay. Ferengi ships  
are crawling with diseases. Ensign,  
beam them all to sickbay.

ENSIGN  
Aye, sir.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Send a security team to sickbay.  
Deanna, let’s you and I join them  
there and see what we can learn, if  
anything, from these people.

INT. ENTERPRISE- SICKBAY  
Geordi and Deanna wait with a medical team and a security  
detail as the pirates are beamed aboard. The three blue women  
seemed surprised to be there, and clutch their hookahs. The  
cockroach stands with his arms raised while the Wookie and  
giant Wookie bellow. The pig panics and tries to run.  
Security seizes him. He, the Wookie and the giant Wookie are  
all sedated by the medical team and placed on tables. The  
others go where they are led. Deanna approaches the blue  
women.

DEANNA  
Hello, I’m Deanna Troi. How did you  
come to be on board a Ferengi  
vessel?

The women seem shocked to see her as the medical team begins  
scanning them. They shy away from her, so Geordi approaches and one is brave enough to respond.

BLUE PIRATE WOMAN  
We’re slaves.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Where are you from?

BLUE PIRATE WOMAN  
I don’t know. We’ve always been  
slaves.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Do you know where the Ferengi ship  
was going?

BLUE PIRATE WOMAN  
No.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
What happened to the Ferengi?

The blue woman looks scared and nervous.

GEORDI LAFORGE (CONT’D)  
It’s okay, you can tell me.

BLUE PIRATE WOMAN  
T’Shara killed them. She freed us  
and now the ship is ours.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Did you see a small Starfleet ship?  
Did it land on Muppet 7?

The woman hesitates.

BLUE PIRATE WOMAN  
Yes.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Thank you. I want you to know  
you’re safe here.

Geordi taps his com badge.

GEORDI LAFORGE (CONT’D)  
LaForge to Riker, Data and Worf.  
Meet me in my ready room.

INT. ENTERPRISE- CAPTAIN’S READY ROOM  
Geordi LaForge, Will Riker, Deanna Troi, Data and Worf sit  
around the conference table.

WILL  
What do we know?

GEORDI LAFORGE  
One of the women confirmed that  
T’Shara was aboard, and that she  
killed the Ferengi. It was also a  
slave ship. All seven of those  
people were slaves. After T’Shara  
killed the Ferengi crew she took  
over the ship and made the slaves  
her crew. We also know that the  
blue color is caused by some sort  
of addictive drug. I’m also pretty  
sure that the Starfleet craft they  
saw was the Star Lily.

WORF  
So the counselor’s cousin is a  
pirate captain.

WILL  
It’s an affront to Romulan honor  
for one of them to be a slave.

WORF  
So she killed them in revenge and  
seized their vessel.

Deanna looks devastated.

DEANNA  
There has to be some sort of  
explanation. And the blue women  
were terrified of me. The would  
talk to Geordi but not to me.

WORF  
Perhaps your cousin is less than  
pleasant to her own slaves.

DEANNA  
Worf!

WILL  
That answers some questions but  
raises more.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
I suggest Will, Deanna, and I take  
a shuttle to the surface. The heavy  
cloud cover makes it difficult to  
send a message, and transporters  
are useless. Worf, you lead an away  
team to the Ferengi ship and find  
out what’s going on over there.  
Data, you have the bridge.

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
Jean-Luc Picard and Gonzo walk along. Phaser fire erupts from  
the forest around them, and they duck for cover. When the  
smoke clears, they emerge to find seven more velociraptors  
dead.

GONZO  
I think we have a friend somewhere  
helping us.

Picard looks up, scanning the sky.

PICARD  
Perhaps. Or someone wants us to  
find the solenoid and return to the  
ship.

He scans the sky above the forest again.

PICARD (CONT’D)  
Let’s keep going, but be on your  
guard. If that friend is who I  
suspect it is, she’s unpredictable.

They continue on foot.

INT. SHUTTLE  
Will Riker, Deanna Troi and Geordi LaForge fly a shuttle  
through the mist.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
I’ve got something! It’s a distress  
call from the Star Lily!

WILL  
Can you trace it?

GEORDI LAFORGE  
I sure can. Follow the coordinates  
straight to the distress call.

Deanna closes her eyes. She hears T’Shara’s voice in her  
head.

T’SHARA  
(Voice Over)  
Where were you three months ago  
when I needed you?

DEANNA  
I’m here now.

T’SHARA  
(Voice Over)  
It’s your fault! You did this to  
me. Are you pleased? Did you just  
want to be rid of me because I’m an  
embarrassment to you?

DEANNA  
No!

Will looks up and Deanna opens her eyes.

WILL  
What is it?

DEANNA  
T’Shara’s nearby.

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
The shuttle lands in the swamp near the Star Lily, disguised  
as a hobbit hole. The shuttle door opens. Will, Deanna, and  
Geordi emerge, holding phasers and tricorders.

WILL  
What is that?

GEORDI LAFORGE  
I’m reading life signs.

DEANNA  
It’s Beverly.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Then let’s knock on the door.

They knock on the door. Beverly and Kermit emerge.

BEVERLY  
Am I ever glad to see you!

GEORDI LAFORGE  
What happened here?

BEVERLY  
We were attacked by pirates and  
forced to make a crash landing.

Will points at the hobbit hole.

WILL  
But what’s all this? Where’s the  
ship?

The rats begin to swarm and Beverly shoots several with her  
phaser.

BEVERLY  
This is to keep the rats out.

She quickly closes the door to the hobbit hole.

BEVERLY (CONT’D)  
Quick! Onto the shuttle and I’ll  
explain. Watch out for the rats!

They shoot rats as they run back to the shuttle and quickly  
close the door. Kermit hops after them.

INT. SHUTTLE

WILL  
What’s up with those rats? And  
who’s this?

BEVERLY  
They steal everything. You can’t  
put anything down or they’ll take  
it. They stole the dilithium  
crystal from the warp drive and our  
cold start solenoid the first thing  
after we crashed. This is my  
friend, Kermit. Kermit, these are  
my friends, Geordi LaForge, Will  
Riker, and Deanna Troi.

KERMIT  
Hello. Nice to meet you.

Greetings all around.

BEVERLY  
We need to find Jean-Luc. He’s out  
there alone looking for the cold  
start solenoid, with predators out  
there, and it’s all my fault. With  
Kermit’s help, we found the  
dilithium crystal and repaired the  
warp drive, but I insisted that we  
not take off without the solenoid.

WILL  
Why?

BEVERLY  
Because it would have destroyed the  
swamp where Kermit and the other  
frogs live.

They all look at Kermit.

KERMIT  
I’m sorry, Beverly. It’s my fault.  
The swamp is my home.

BEVERLY  
It’s not your fault, Kermit. I  
insisted to Jean-Luc that  
relocating indigenous life forms  
was wrong, and so he’s out looking  
for the solenoid.

WILL  
Do you know which direction he went  
in?

BEVERLY  
Towards the mountain, where the  
pigs live. The rats sold them the  
solenoid.

WILL  
Then let’s go get him!

BEVERLY  
I hope we’re not too late.

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
The shuttle takes off.

INT. SHUTTLE

BEVERLY  
Can you get a lock on Jean-Luc’s  
signal?

GEORDI LAFORGE  
I sure can. It’s in the direction  
you said it would be, towards the  
mountain.

INT. PIRATE SHIP  
Worf and the security team appear on the Pirate Ship. They  
hold phasers and tricorders.

Throughout the ship, arachnid battle droids activate.  
Two rapidly approach the security team, firing Romulan  
disruptors. Two of the security team are hit as they return  
fire. Phaser fire bounces off the droid’s armor.

WORF  
Retreat!

Worf touches his com badge.

WORF (CONT’D)  
Five to beam back!

They dematerialize.

INT. ENTERPRISE- BRIDGE  
Worf and the security team rematerialize.

DATA  
Were you successful?

WORF  
No. They have some sort of robots  
programmed for battle. They are  
impervious to our weapons.

DATA  
We have never encountered such  
creatures before. I will see for  
myself.

WORF  
I recommend you not. It is not  
safe. They fire Romulan disruptors.

DATA  
As a non-organic life form, they  
may not recognize me as a threat.

Data touches his com badge.

DATA (CONT’D)  
One to beam to the Ferengi vessel.

INT. PIRATE SHIP  
Data materializes, a tricorder in one hand and a phaser in  
the other. A battle droid approaches.

DATA  
Greetings. Like you, I am an  
artificial life form.

The droid stops and lights flash as the droid attempts to  
recognize and categorize the creature.

DATA (CONT’D)  
Can you communicate?

The droid remains stationary. Data cautiously approaches it.

DATA (CONT’D)  
Can you tell me who your creator  
is?

Data cautiously touches the droid.

DATA (CONT’D)  
Curious. You are composed of a  
highly durable tritanium alloy.  
Whoever designed you did excellent  
work.

Data touches his com badge.

DATA (CONT’D)  
Data to the bridge.

WORF  
Were you successful?

DATA  
Affirmative. I believe I have made  
first contact with the droids. They  
did not see me as a threat.

Worf snarls.

Ext. MUPPET 7- DAY  
Jean-Luc and Gonzo walk along. The shuttle flies over them  
and Jean-Luc starts waving his arms. The shuttle lands in a  
clearing. The door opens and Jean-Luc quickly enters. He  
motions for Gonzo to follow, and he does.

INT. SHUTTLE  
Jean-Luc and Beverly embrace.

PICARD  
Am I ever glad to see you!

BEVERLY  
Did you encounter any of the  
reptilian creatures?

PICARD  
As a matter of fact, we did.  
However it seems the pirate captain  
in her speeder took it upon herself  
to kill them before they could  
approach us.

BEVERLY  
Why?

PICARD  
That remains to be seen.

DEANNA  
She doesn’t want to kill you. She  
only wants to kill Ferengi in  
revenge.

PICARD  
That also remains to be seen. Is  
she still following us?

DEANNA  
Yes. She’s very close. She’s angry  
at me and blames me for what  
happened.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Where to?

PICARD  
The mountaintop. We have a solenoid  
to retrieve.

Will pilots the shuttle to the mountaintop. The shuttle’s  
sensors easily detect the pigs armed stockade.

PICARD (CONT’D)  
Set us down here. We’ll approach  
their stockade on foot.

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
The shuttle lands in a clearing. There is scrub brush and  
large boulders across the landscape. The shuttle door opens,  
Jean-Luc Picard, Beverly, Will, Geordi, Deanna, Gonzo and  
Kermit emerge. They walk to the stockade. They all look at  
Jean-Luc Picard.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Well, what now?

PICARD  
Now we knock on the door.

He pounds on the wooden doors. After several moments of  
silence, pig warriors appear over the top. They grunt.

PICARD (CONT’D)  
Greetings! We would like to speak  
to your leader.

The pigs shout loudly, then one of the doors opens slightly.

PICARD (CONT’D)  
I think we’ve been invited in.  
Phasers on stun and be on your  
guard.

They enter through the door single file.

INT. BESSIE  
T’Shara watches them on her forward viewscreen and shakes her  
head.

T’SHARA  
Starfleet. They do it to themselves  
every time.

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
Four pig warriors quickly close the door and then lead Jean-  
Luc Picard, Beverly, Deanna, Geordi Laforge, Will Riker,  
Gonzo, and Kermit past dirty, weedy huts. Pigs come out of  
their homes and cheer. They follow along. More pigs come out  
of the huts and cheer as they walk along. The warriors shout  
and grunt loudly, thrusting their spears into the air.  
Drums begin to play, and chanting begins as they walk along.  
Rats are roasting on spits over open fires.  
The warrior pigs lead them to a heavily decorated dais where  
the PIG QUEEN reclines. She is surrounded by twenty warrior  
pigs armed with wooden spears. On her head is an elaborate  
crown. In the center of the crown is the cold start solenoid.  
She stares at Kermit, and it’s Love At First Sight. Kermit  
shakes nervously. Picard looks around cautiously, as the pigs  
gather around them.

PICARD  
Greetings. We come in peace. I am  
Jean-Luc Picard, and these are my  
friends.

The Pig Queen looks them over.

PIG QUEEN  
Oh, all that. I am the Pig Queen.  
You may call me Your Majesty. You,  
Frog, come over here and sit by me.

Kermit looks around nervously. The pigs cheer. The drumming  
and chanting grows louder and the pigs begin to stomp  
excitedly.

PIG QUEEN (CONT’D)  
Come on, Frog. Get up here!

Kermit swallows nervously and advances to the dais. The Pig  
Queen picks him and gives him a big kiss.

PIG QUEEN (CONT’D)  
There now, aren’t you handsome.  
Dreams coming true! What a  
surprise! My heart stirs! What’s  
your name?

KERMIT  
I’m Kermit the Frog.

She swoons over him.

PIG QUEEN  
I’ve never known love like this  
before! Bless this day that you  
came into my life!

The Pig Queen sings the Wedding Song. The pigs dance around  
and harmonize.

PIG QUEEN (CONT’D)  
Let the wedding feast begin!

KERMIT  
What!?

The pigs cheer and begin dancing around in a circle. Gonzo  
joins them.

PIG QUEEN  
You are my new husband, and I’ll  
never let you go!

Kermit squirms and waves his arms around.

PICARD  
If I may interrupt a moment...

PIG QUEEN  
No, you may not! You’re ruining the  
magic of the moment! Just stand  
there and look awed. And it’s Your  
Majesty.

PICARD  
Excuse me, Your Majesty, but...

PIG QUEEN  
Shut up Picard! This is my special  
day! You can give a speech at the  
end of the fantastical, ecstatic,  
magical wedding ceremony.

KERMIT  
Ahh! Beverly and Jean-Luc! Help!!

BEVERLY  
Be patient, Kermit!

KERMIT  
I can’t be patient! I’m getting  
married to a pig!

BEVERLY  
Don’t worry, Kermit! I’ll think of  
something.

The Pig Queen becomes infuriated.

PIG QUEEN  
Who is she?

KERMIT  
That’s my good friend Beverly.

PIG QUEEN  
Not anymore, she’s not!

The Pig Queen screams and the warriors attack.  
The Enterprise team try to scatter out of the way and fire  
their phasers, stunning a few warriors.  
Firing her phaser, Deanna moves away from the conflict, and  
dematerializes. The others don’t notice in the pandemonium.

INT. BESSIE  
Deanna rematerializes on T’Shara’s ship. She looks around and  
realizes where she is.

DEANNA  
T’Shara! You’re here?

T’SHARA  
Were you expecting me not to be?

DEANNA  
I don’t understand. My friends down  
on the planet...

T’SHARA  
Yes, your Starfleet friends, we’ll  
get to them momentarily. But you  
need to settle with me first,  
Deanna. I must know and I want you  
to be truthful. Did you sell me to  
the Ferengi?

Deanna recoils in shock.

DEANNA  
What? No! No! I would never do  
anything like that!

T’Shara pulls a piece of rubbery paper from her pocket.

T’SHARA  
Then you did not sign this?

Deanna looks at it.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
This is a Ferengi slave contract.  
It says you sold me to them. Your  
signature is there.

DEANNA  
No, no, no! This is a forgery! I  
would never do that to anyone!  
Especially not to you!

Deanna throws the offending document on the floor.

T’SHARA  
I hoped the Ferengi lied. But I had  
no proof. They knew just how to  
break my heart and spirit, by  
telling me that you had sold me to  
them. Just their lies, and day  
after day they gloated, over their  
novelty, a Romulan as a slave...

Deanna embraces T’Shara.

DEANNA  
I would never do such a thing.

T’Shara returns her embrace and cries from relief.

T’SHARA  
I hoped you didn’t. I wanted so  
much to believe it wasn’t true, I  
had faith in you.

DEANNA  
Tell me what happened.  
T’Shara dries her eyes.

T’SHARA  
After you left Risa, I stayed for a  
concert. Three days later I left  
Risa in my ship, and they  
intercepted me and used a tractor  
beam to pull me into their cargo  
bay of their ship. They forced me  
out of my ship with a radiation  
flood, and showed me that document,  
informing me that you had sold me  
to them as a slave.  
I told them it was a fake, that you  
would never do that. They took  
everything and did not allow me to  
call for help. I spent three months  
as their slave before I managed to  
poison them all and took over their  
ship. I freed the other slaves and  
prisoners, and they became my crew.  
Why didn’t you hear my telepathic  
distress? Where were you when I  
needed you most?

DEANNA  
I think the distance was too great.  
The only messages I received were  
dreams, probably amplified by your  
ship. That’s why the ship was in my  
dreams.

T’SHARA  
They never let me back onto my ship  
once they had forced me off of it.

They embrace again.

DEANNA  
I’m so sorry for what you must have  
gone through, and I apologize for  
not being there. If I had known  
what was happening, I would have  
come for you! I would have dropped  
everything and come to save you!  
But you’re safe now. And you have  
the protection of the Federation.  
We can hold the Ferengi accountable  
for what they did, and we will.  
They will answer for their crime.

T’SHARA  
They’ll want to prosecute me for  
killing a shipload of them.

DEANNA  
You acted in self defense, and did  
what you had to do.

T’Shara cries again, and Deanna joins her.

EXT. SPACESHIPS  
Three Ferengi vessels decloak and approach the Enterprise.

INT. ENTERPRISE- BRIDGE  
Worf sits in the captain’s seat. Various crew members are at  
their stations.

ENSIGN  
Three Ferengi vessels decloaking.

WORF  
Open a hailing frequency and put  
them on the forward viewscreen.

A FERENGI CAPTAIN appears on the screen.

FERENGI CAPTAIN  
What are you doing with stolen  
property? That ship and all it’s  
contents belong to us.

WORF  
The vessel was found adrift, and  
suspected of crimes including but  
not limited to slave trading and  
piracy. It has been confiscated as  
evidence.

FERENGI CAPTAIN  
We demand the right to inspect the  
vessel.

WORF  
You may inspect the vessel, but I  
must warn you that there are eight  
active arachnid battle droids still  
aboard that are programmed to shoot  
intruders.

The Ferengi captain smirks.

FERENGI CAPTAIN  
Then we will.

WORF  
Then you will lose as many men as  
board the ship.

INT. FERENGI SHIP- BRIDGE  
The Ferengi captain and his men laugh gleefully.

FERENGI CAPTAIN  
Now we will have the ship! Send a  
team aboard to reclaim it!

Several other Ferengi agree and disperse.

INT. PIRATE SHIP  
A Ferengi away team materializes on the ship. One of the  
battle droids spots them and begins firing. The Ferengi shoot  
back, their phaser fire bounces off the droid’s armor and it  
continues to shoot them. Six Ferengi fall dead.

INT. FERENGI SHIP- BRIDGE  
An ensign checks the controls.

FERENGI ENSIGN  
No life signs on the freighter,  
sir.

FERENGI CAPTAIN  
What? Where did they go?

FERENGI ENSIGN  
I don’t know.

FERENGI CAPTAIN  
Send another away team. Smarter  
ones!

FERENGI ENSIGN  
Yes, sir.

INT. PIRATE SHIP  
Eight Ferengi appear and the battle droids attack. Seven  
Ferengi fall dead. Running for his life, the droids in  
pursuit, the last one, the FERENGI SURVIVOR, hits his com  
badge.

FERENGI SURVIVOR  
One to beam out!

The Ferengi survivor succeeds in beaming out.

INT. FERENGI SHIP- BRIDGE  
The FERENGI SURVIVOR rematerializes on the Ferengi ship.

FERENGI CAPTAIN  
What happened? Why are you back  
here so soon?

FERENGI SURVIVOR  
What he said! There are armored  
robots patrolling the ship!

FERENGI CAPTAIN  
Where are the others?

FERENGI SURVIVOR  
Dead, sir.

INT. BESSIE  
Deanna and T’Shara leave off their embrace and wipe away  
their tears.

T’SHARA  
I missed you so much, and I’m glad  
you’re here now.

DEANNA  
Don’t worry, you’re safe now. No  
one will harm you again. I’ll help  
you. We’ll figure all of this out  
somehow.

T’SHARA  
I believe you. The Ferengi knew  
just how to hurt me, to shake my  
faith in you. I’ve always known you  
were the one person I could trust.

Deanna squeezes her hand.

DEANNA  
And I you, even though you did  
always manage to get us into  
trouble when we were young. I  
didn’t believe you were responsible  
for the attack on Beverly and Jean-  
Luc.

They both then look at the forward viewscreen.

DEANNA (CONT’D)  
Wait a minute. I wonder what’s  
happened to Will and others?

T’SHARA  
I’ve spent the past day protecting  
Picard and a strange little  
creature from attacks by predatory  
reptiles. Then you and Starfleet walked  
willingly into the pigs’  
encampment. What were you thinking?

DEANNA  
We need to find them.

The forward viewscreen shows the interior of the walled  
stockade. Beverly, Jean-Luc, Will, Geordi, and Gonzo are all  
tied to stakes. Kermit is held hostage on a dais with the PIG  
QUEEN while the rest of the pig tribe dances around in  
preparation for a feast. Tribal music plays.

T’SHARA  
Your Federation friends didn’t do  
very well.

DEANNA  
We’ve got to get them out of there.

Deanna glances to the side to see T’Shara bouncing around in  
her seat to the music.

T’SHARA  
What? For a primitive tribe they’ve  
got a good beat.

DEANNA  
Stop that and help me get them out  
of there!

T’SHARA  
I’ve got a better idea. Why don’t  
you get into it? We’ll save  
Starfleet. Besides, I’ve got to  
rescue my friend Kermit. When we  
beam down, just don’t let go of my  
hand.

Deanna looks askance at her.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
Trust me. This will be fun.

DEANNA  
Where have I heard that before?

T’Shara matches Bessie’s harmonics to match the pigs’ rhythm  
and moves the ship directly overhead.

T’SHARA  
First the earthquake. I’ve got a  
weak tractor beam but it’s enough  
for a localized disturbance.

She uses the tractor beam to create an earthquake under the  
pigs’ dance. The pigs feel the shake and look confused.  
Next she decloaks Bessie, and the ship lights up. The pigs  
panic.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
Ready to beam down?

She takes Deanna’s hand and they beam out.

EXT. MUPPET 7- NIGHT  
Deanna and T’Shara materialize in front of the pig queen’s  
dais. T’Shara raises their arms together.

T’SHARA  
I am the Goddess! You have angered  
me and you will be punished!

Thundering music and lights accompany her speech.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
(telepathically to Deanna)  
Now to beam the Federation out.

Beverly, Jean-Luc, Geordi, and Will vanish. Some of the pigs  
bow in deference, others run in terror.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
Now I will exact my tribute!

Music thunders as the Pig Queen’s crown vanishes, followed by  
Kermit.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
All hail the Goddess!

Some of the pigs repeat the hail, others are too terrified to  
move or turn and run away. Then T’Shara and Deanna disappear.

INT. BESSIE  
Kermit and the Pig Queen’s crown are on the floor as T’Shara  
and Deanna rematerialize. T’Shara is laughing. Kermit jumps  
up.

T’SHARA  
Come on Deanna. You have to admit  
that was fun.

Deanna tries to hide a smile.

DEANNA  
Maybe a little. Although we did  
just violate every aspect of the  
Prime Directive.

T’SHARA  
So? We rescued Starfleet and scared  
a bunch of pigs.

KERMIT  
T’Shara! You forgot Gonzo!

T’SHARA  
What’s a Gonzo?

Kermit points to the viewscreen, where Gonzo is still tied to  
a stake.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
Oh, I see.

She beams Gonzo aboard. Kermit hugs her, and T’Shara kneels  
down and hugs him back.

KERMIT  
Thank you for rescuing us!

T’SHARA  
You’re welcome, Kermit. What are  
friends for?

DEANNA  
T’Shara, please turn the music off  
and let’s get out of here.

EXT. MUPPET 7- NIGHT  
Beverly, Jean-Luc, Will, and Geordi rematerialize outside  
their shuttle. Bessie appears floating over the stockade and  
lands beside them. The door opens. T’Shara, Deanna, Kermit  
and Gonzo emerge. T’Shara walks up to Jean-Luc and hands him  
the pig queen’s crown.

T’SHARA  
I believe this belongs to you.

Jean-Luc takes the crown with a frown.

PICARD  
You have just violated the very  
spirit of our Prime Directive. Even  
the Romulans have some rules  
regarding first contact.  
I believe impersonating a deity is  
specifically forbidden under both  
systems.

T’SHARA  
You tried it your way. It didn’t  
work. You got tied to a stake. Do  
you want to go back in there?

PICARD  
Of course not. You however,  
attacked my ship, the Star Lily  
without provocation, without which  
action we would not be here!

T’SHARA  
So? Starfleet will just give you  
another one.

PICARD  
That is not the point!

T’SHARA  
I also saved your life several  
times over. You were walking alone  
on a strange planet with a...

She points at Gonzo.

GONZO  
Gonzo.

T’SHARA  
With a Gonzo, and would have been  
eaten by predatory lizards if I  
hadn’t saved you.

PICARD  
Which takes us back to your attack  
on my ship.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Guys, can we sort that out later?  
Before predatory lizards attack or  
the pigs come back?

PICARD  
Indeed. First we will all regroup  
at the Star Lily, and then we will  
rendezvous with the Enterprise.

Will, Geordi, and Jean-Luc enter the shuttle.

KERMIT  
Beverly, will you ride with us back  
to the swamp?

Beverly takes Kermit’s hand.

BEVERLY  
Of course, Kermit.

T’Shara, Deanna, and Gonzo board Bessie, as Beverly follows  
holding Kermit’s hand.

INT. SHUTTLE  
Will steers the craft while Jean-Luc and Geordi sit in the  
passenger seats. Will erupts into laughter.

PICARD  
Whatever could be so funny?

WILL  
That woman just did everything I’ve  
ever secretly thought about doing.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
That was quite a show.

PICARD  
That’s not a good thing. I’m also  
worried about the effect she’s  
having on Deanna.

WILL  
Lwaxana Troi once said she was a  
bad influence on Deanna.

PICARD  
On this one subject only I agree  
with her.

INT. BESSIE  
Beverly and Gonzo look around them in amazement.

T’SHARA  
Sorry about the mess. I live in  
here.

Beverly moves a pile of books and tablets out of a chair and  
sits down with them on her lap.

BEVERLY  
No problem. Where shall I put  
these?

T’SHARA  
They should be on a shelf with the  
safety latches closed, but the  
floor will do for now.

GONZO  
Cool. What is this thing?

T’SHARA  
This is my spaceship. I call her  
Bessie.

Beverly sets the pile down on the floor as the ship begins to  
move and notices the discarded rubber document. She picks it  
up and exclaims in disbelief.

BEVERLY  
I don’t mean to pry, but what is  
this? Deanna?

DEANNA  
A cruel Ferengi hoax. When they  
kidnapped T’Shara from Risa, they  
attempted to make her believe that  
I had sold her for a slave.

BEVERLY  
That’s awful! Is that how you came  
to be on that old Ferengi  
freighter?

T’SHARA  
It was a slave ship. They traveled  
around abducting people and  
reselling them. Mostly women of  
alien races.

BEVERLY  
Where are the Ferengi now?

Music begins to play and lights sparkle within the ship.  
T’Shara smiles sadistically.

T’SHARA  
All dead. As they deserve to be. I  
poisoned them and watched them die  
writhing in agony.

The music takes on a menacing tone. T’Shara shares a memory  
with Deanna and Beverly.

FLASHBACK- INT. PIRATE SHIP  
T’Shara walks around the Pirate Ship with a strange smile. A  
DYING FERENGI lies on the floor, blood and vomit dripping out  
of his mouth and covering his clothing.

DYING FERENGI  
Help me!

T’Shara smiles and takes his phaser.

T’SHARA  
No. I didn’t think anything on this  
ship would make me want to smile,  
but I want to watch you suffer.

FLASHBACK ENDS.

Deanna turns around and signals to Beverly to avoid further  
questioning.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
They all deserve to die.

DEANNA  
Beverly, this ship runs  
telepathically. Perhaps it would be  
a good idea to change the subject.

BEVERLY  
I think this ship is beautiful. How  
long have you have it?

The music takes on a cheerful tone and dancing lights appear.  
T’Shara’s smile changes to nostalgia.

T’SHARA  
Since I flunked out of Starfleet  
Academy. I bought it on Betazed,  
and named it Bessie. You could say  
I’ve lived here ever since. Romulan  
regulations allow personal vehicles  
in the cargo bays if space allows  
and they serve the mission. So far  
it always has, since they have  
infinite uses for telepaths. They  
also outfitted it with the cloaking  
device. Bessie was still in the  
cargo bay of the Ferengi freighter  
when I killed them because they  
couldn’t find another telepath to  
sell it to.

The music starts to get menacing again so Beverly changes the  
subject.

BEVERLY  
Did you live in here, or did the  
Romulans give you personal  
quarters?

T’Shara laughs.

T’SHARA  
That’s part of “space allows,” but  
it was a trade I was happy enough  
to make. Besides, this is a good  
place to stash contraband, and to  
hide and drink.

DEANNA  
T’Shara!

T’SHARA  
What? Everyone has to have a flaw.  
Nothing perfect can exist in the  
universe. If I quit drinking I  
might wink out of existence!

All laugh.

EXT. MUPPET 7- NIGHT  
Bessie and the shuttle land by the hobbit hole. Everyone  
exits their respective craft.  
Jean-Luc removes the cold start solenoid from the pig queen’s  
crown and hands it back to T’Shara.

PICARD  
I believe this is yours, goddess.

T’Shara laughs and takes the crown.

T’SHARA  
You’re welcome.

She inspects it.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
Too big. And too tacky.

She tosses it over her shoulder. Rats emerge, scurrying  
around and steal the crown.

PICARD  
Everyone start removing the sod  
from the Star Lily while I install  
the solenoid. Watch out for those  
damn rats!

They all set to work removing the sod from the ship.

INT. ENTERPRISE- BRIDGE  
Worf sits in the captain’s seat. The crew is working.

ENSIGN  
Sir, the Ferengi vessel is hailing  
us again.

Worf grunts in exasperation.

WORF  
What do they want now? On screen.

The Ferengi captain appears on the forward viewscreen.

FERENGI CAPTAIN  
What is taking so long?

WORF  
We are working to disable the  
robots.

FERENGI CAPTAIN  
I think this is a Federation  
stalling tactic. You have no  
intention of returning our ship to  
us.

WORF  
Perhaps you would like to do it  
yourself?

FERENGI CAPTAIN  
I demand the return of our ship! If  
it is not returned to us soon we  
will be forced to fire on you and  
tow the vessel. There are three of  
us and only one of you.

WORF  
Although nothing would bring me  
more pleasure than destroying you,  
you must be patient. We are doing  
all we can to disable the robots.

FERENGI CAPTAIN  
It’s not good enough!

WORF  
End transmission. Shields up.

The viewscreen goes dark.  
Worf touches his com badge.

WORF (CONT’D)  
Data, are you having any success  
disabling the robots?

Data’s voice comes over the com link.

DATA  
(voice over)  
The robots exhibit a rudimentary  
form of intelligence. They do not  
wish to be disabled, although I may  
yet be able to persuade them to  
stand down.

WORF  
Work faster. The Ferengi are  
becoming increasingly hostile, and  
our shields are up.

DATA  
(voice over)  
Noted. Data out.

EXT. MUPPET 7- NIGHT  
The sod is removed, and the group stands around, exhausted.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
That was a lot of work.

PICARD  
We’re ready for takeoff. We will  
all rendezvous with the Enterprise.  
Beverly?

Beverly approaches Kermit.

BEVERLY  
It’s time for us to leave.

KERMIT  
So this is goodbye.

BEVERLY  
Yes. Goodbye Kermit, and thank you  
for all your help.

KERMIT  
I’m really going to miss you,  
Beverly.

BEVERLY  
I’m going to miss you too, Kermit.

KERMIT  
Will you ever come back and visit?

BEVERLY  
Yes, I will. I’d be happy to.

She hugs him.

KERMIT  
Goodbye, Beverly.

Beverly gets up and goes over to the Star Lily with Jean-Luc.  
Kermit hugs T’Shara.

KERMIT (CONT’D)  
So this is goodbye, for you too.

T’SHARA  
Yes, I’m afraid it is. Thank you  
for being my friend, Kermit.

Kermit hugs her.

KERMIT  
Thank you for being my friend, too.

T’SHARA  
I’d take you with me if I could.

She looks over at Jean-Luc Picard, who stares at her  
disapprovingly.

PICARD  
He belongs here on his own planet.

KERMIT  
Will you ever come back and visit?

T’SHARA  
If there is any way I can return  
and visit with you, I promise that  
I will.

KERMIT  
Thank you for all the wonderful  
things you’ve shown me. I’m going  
to miss you most of all.

T’SHARA  
It was my pleasure. I’ll never  
forget you. I’ll miss you, too.

She stands up and prepares to leave. Kermit watches sadly as  
she and Deanna enter Bessie. Beverly and Jean-Luc enter the  
Star Lily. Will and Geordi enter the shuttle.  
The Star Lily fires up its engines, and dozens of rat nests  
blow out the back.  
All three ships lift off and take off into the sky.  
Kermit watches them fly away, and stares sadly up at the sky.

KERMIT  
Goodbye, Beverly.

EXT. SPACESHIPS  
The Enterprise sits surrounded by three Ferengi vessels while  
the Pirate Ship flounders. Three smaller vessels approach the  
Enterprise.

INT. ENTERPRISE- BRIDGE  
Worf and the crew are working.

ENSIGN  
Sir, the shuttle and two other  
small craft are approaching.

WORF  
Lower the shields and open the  
shuttle bay hatch. Then beam the  
occupants directly to the bridge.

EXT. SPACESHIPS  
The three smaller craft successfully dock onboard the  
Enterprise.  
Will, Deanna, Jean-Luc, Geordi, Beverly, and T’Shara  
materialize on the bridge. Worf spots a Romulan and takes  
immediate action. He seizes her by the arm, and twists it,  
with a breaking sound. T’Shara screams.

PICARD  
Worf! Stop immediately!

WORF  
It’s a Romulan spy!

T’SHARA  
Stupid, noisy Klingon! Let me go!

Worf growls menacingly at the Romulan intruder in Klingon.

WORF  
Filthy Romulan spy!

PICARD  
Worf! Leave her be!

Worf drops her in disgust as T’Shara screams again. Beverly  
and Deanna rush over.

DEANNA  
Worf! What have you done?

WORF  
There was a Romulan on the bridge.  
I took immediate action. We had  
discussed the possibility of a  
Romulan deception.

Beverly immediately diagnoses a broken arm.

BEVERLY  
Two to beam to sickbay.

Beverly and T’Shara beam off the bridge.

DEANNA  
Worf, you almost killed my cousin!

WORF  
Your cousin is a Romulan, and I am  
not accustomed to Romulans beaming  
onto the bridge of a Federation  
vessel. The Klingons would kill her  
and go to red alert.

PICARD  
That’s not necessary. What is the  
current situation? And where is  
Data?

WORF  
Data is on the derelect Ferengi  
vessel, attempting to disable the  
battle droids.

Deanna turns and leaves the bridge.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Contact Data.

An ensign opens a hailing frequency to the Pirate Ship. Data  
appears on the forward viewscreen.

GEORDI LAFORGE (CONT’D)  
Data, what is the status of the  
freighter?

DATA  
I have achieved basic communication  
with the battle droids and am  
restoring all the ship’s systems to  
normal operating levels.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Good work, Data. What did you find  
out about the droids?

DATA  
I believe they possess a  
rudimentary intelligence and are  
capable of acting in their own self  
interest.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
That’s great, but is it safe for  
anyone else to board the ship?

DATA  
That would not be advisable. The  
droids have been programmed to  
respond to the commands of their  
creator. They have primarily been  
programmed to kill Ferengi.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
How was the pirate crew able to  
survive with those things on board?

DATA  
That is what I am trying to  
ascertain.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
I think I know who to ask.

INT. ENTERPRISE- SICKBAY  
Beverly is repairing T’Shara’s arm.

BEVERLY  
Try to hold still while I repair  
it. I’ll give you something for the  
pain.

T’SHARA  
Stupid, noisy Klingon! Why don’t  
they all just kill each other and  
relieve us of their presence?

Deanna enters sickbay.

DEANNA  
How are you?

T’SHARA  
In agony.

BEVERLY  
Her arm is broken in three places.  
I’ve also picked up evidence of  
four distinct Ferengi diseases and  
a strange drug in her system. Do  
you know what the drug is?

T’Shara looks evasive.  
T’SHARA  
No.

A MEDIC walks over.

MEDIC  
Doctor, we found evidence of the  
same drug in the others. It’s some  
sort of highly addictive substance  
we’ve never encountered before. I  
believe the Ferengi got their  
slaves addicted to it in order to  
make it easier to control them. The  
others are detoxing.

Beverly picks up two hyposprays.

BEVERLY  
Here, this is a hypospray for the  
diseases you picked up on the  
Ferengi ship. This other one should  
numb the pain in your arm. We’ll  
just have to let the other drug  
work its way out of your system.

Beverly gives T’Shara the hyposprays and she breathes a sigh  
of relief.

T’SHARA  
Thank you. But Beverly, I’m quite  
happy with the other drug in my  
system.

BEVERLY  
However the drug’s long-term  
toxicity renders it too dangerous  
for medical use, and the  
recreational uses appear to be  
destabilizing. You also have a high  
blood alcohol level.

DEANNA  
T’Shara, are you drunk right now?

T’SHARA  
Don’t look so surprised.

Beverly smiles and T’Shara changes the subject to distract them.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
I wonder how Kermit is doing? Poor  
little fellow.

BEVERLY  
Thank you for your timely rescue  
from the pigs. I was going to be  
the first one cooked for the  
wedding feast. The Pig Queen was  
insanely jealous.

T’Shara smiles back.

T’SHARA  
Poor Kermit was going to be stuck  
there with her. And I must admit  
that was more fun than I’ve had in  
a long time.

T’Shara pauses.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
You know, Kermit was in love with  
you, and he would have gotten his  
wish if I hadn’t killed the  
predatory reptiles after your  
husband.

BEVERLY  
I owe you a debt of gratitude for  
that, too.

Worf enters. T’Shara looks up and snarls.

T’SHARA  
What is he doing here?

WORF  
(visibly pained)  
I have been sent here to apologize  
for my actions on the bridge.

T’SHARA  
You should be, you big fool. Why  
aren’t you killing Ferengi instead  
of guests?

WORF  
I am unaccustomed to Romulans  
beaming onto our bridge. I do not  
have time for this. I have battle  
robots to disable.

T’SHARA  
You’ll never be able to do it.

WORF  
How do you know?

T’SHARA  
Because they’re my battle droids  
and I programmed them.

WORF  
Give me the deactivation codes.

T’SHARA  
No.

DEANNA  
Worf, I think you should go. I’ll  
bring T’Shara to the bridge after  
Beverly finishes repairing her arm.

WORF  
Gladly. I do not cherish the  
company of Romulans.

Worf turns and leaves. Beverly continues to repair the damage  
to T’Shara’s arm.

BEVERLY  
There you are. Try not to use it  
for the next couple of days.  
Ordinarily I would tell you to rest  
for the next several weeks.

T’SHARA  
That’s not going to happen, is it?  
The fun part of this adventure is  
over. Am I a prisoner?

BEVERLY  
Not unless Jean-Luc says you are,  
and for now, you’re still our  
guest. Come on, I’ll go with you to  
the bridge. There’s no reason for  
me to stay down here.

T’Shara tries moving her arm and Deanna takes her hand.

DEANNA  
Doctor’s orders. Don’t use your  
arm.

They leave sickbay together.

INT. ENTERPRISE- HALLWAY  
Crew members stare as Deanna walks down the hallway with  
Beverly, holding the hand of a Romulan.

DEANNA  
I’m glad you’re here with me,  
finally. Here on the Enterprise.  
You should have been an ambassador.

T’SHARA  
I flunked out of the Academy,  
remember?

DEANNA  
Don’t dwell on the past. Think of  
the future. There could still be a  
place for you, here, with us.

Crew members stare.

T’SHARA  
Perhaps. But somehow I think you’re  
the only one who feels that way.

DEANNA  
They would accept you. In time.

INT. ENTERPRISE- BRIDGE  
Worf enters. Picard, Will, and Geordi are on the bridge. Crew  
members are working.

WORF  
The battle droids belong to the  
Romulan spy. She admitted knowledge  
of them and knows the deactivation  
codes.

WILL  
It would help if you wouldn’t call  
her that.

WORF  
She is what she is. A Romulan.  
Where there is one, there are  
others. I would not be surprised if  
there was a Romulan bird of prey  
cloaked off of our ship right now.

WILL  
That’s possible, but antagonizing  
her won’t help.

WORF  
Do not trust her. She will betray  
us to the Romulans at the first  
opportunity.

WILL  
I know her better than you do. Let  
me handle this.

Beverly, Deanna and T’Shara enter the bridge. Will addresses  
T’Shara.

WILL (CONT’D)  
Feeling better?

T’SHARA  
Yes, Will, I am, thanks to the aid  
of a competent doctor. No thanks to  
the interference of an arrogant and  
ignorant Klingon.

Worf snarls at her.

WILL  
Should I ask why you two are  
holding hands?

T’SHARA  
Beverly and Deanna insist that I  
not use my injured arm.

WILL  
If I didn’t know you were cousins  
I’d be jealous.

WORF  
We don’t have time for this.

PICARD  
Worf, please.

WILL  
I’ve been told you have the access  
codes to the battle droids. Are  
they yours?

T’SHARA  
Yes, they are.

WILL  
Will you give me the codes? Our  
friend Data is over there now  
trying to deactivate them so that  
we can board the ship safely.

T’Shara becomes interested at the mention of Data.

T’SHARA  
No, but I will beam over with your  
team. Anyone with me will not be  
harmed. I will tell them that you  
are part of my crew.

Will looks over at Picard.

PICARD  
Make it so. Assemble an away team.  
Only sufficient personnel to  
prepare the freighter to be towed.  
The Enterprise can tow it nearly as  
fast as the freighter can move on  
its own.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Data’s done most of the work  
already. He and I can handle this  
ourselves. I’ll go with her.

Deanna smiles at T’Shara and then at Geordi.

T’SHARA  
That would be acceptable.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Good. Three to beam aboard the  
freighter.

Geordi, Deanna, and T’Shara dematerialize.

 

PICARD  
I hope we’ve made the right choice,  
Will. We’ve just beamed her back to  
her ship with the only person she  
wants with her.

WILL  
That’s not her ship. It’s just an  
ugly old freighter. Her ship is in  
our cargo bay, and she won’t leave  
without it.

WORF  
What about the Ferengi?

PICARD  
I’ve no intention of giving them  
anything. We’re confiscating the  
vessel as evidence.

INT. PIRATE SHIP  
Data is examining one of the battle droids as Geordi, Deanna  
and T’Shara materialize. The droid does not react. T’Shara is  
fascinated by Data. She approaches him. Deanna remains with  
her.

T’SHARA  
Data. I’ve always wanted to meet  
you. Your creator was a genius.

She puts her uninjured hand on him and admires the workmanship.

DATA  
I am pleased to make your  
acquaintance as well. May I inquire  
as to your name?

DEANNA  
Data, this is my cousin, T’Shara.  
She created these droids.

DATA  
Then may I return the compliment.  
You too, madam, are a genius. I  
have been unable to access the  
programming of these droids.

T’SHARA  
That’s because they are  
telepathically controlled, like my  
ship.

She continues her exploration of Data, and attempts to flip  
up and inspect the panel in the back of his head. Deanna  
pulls her hand away.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
I’ve got a great idea. I’m curious  
about these droids too, but how  
about we secure this old freighter  
for towing and talk about  
technology later back on board the  
Enterprise?

DATA  
Agreed. You take engineering, and I  
will secure the bridge.

Geordi nods, and stares curiously at the inert droid as he  
walks past it. T’Shara and Deanna follow Data to the bridge.

INT. PIRATE SHIP- BRIDGE  
Data quickly works the controls while T’Shara asks questions.  
Two battle droids stand motionless.

T’SHARA  
Are there others like you?

DATA  
I have two brothers, as it were.

T’SHARA  
Are they like you? Are they made  
the same way?

DATA  
They look identical to me. Both  
were constructed prior to my  
creation. However, you should know  
that my older brother Lore is  
unpredictable and dangerous.

T’SHARA  
How so?

DATA  
My brothers and I have free will.  
However, Lore’s emotion chip is  
continuously malfunctioning. He  
once collaborated with the Borg,  
and was known to be controlling the  
Crystalline Entity.

Data taps his com badge.

DATA (CONT’D)  
Geordi, have you secured  
engineering?

GEORDI LAFORGE  
(voice over)  
Almost, Data. One more minute.  
There’s not much down here. This  
thing is barely capable of warp.

T’SHARA  
It didn’t need to be. It was a  
slave ship. They killed their cargo  
if they thought it was a raid. I  
hate the Ferengi.

DATA  
Your resentment is understandable.

T’SHARA  
Are you capable of emotions?

DATA  
Yes. I have a fully functioning  
emotion chip.

T’SHARA  
Fascinating. Where is your creator?

DATA  
Regrettably, Dr. Soong is dead.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
(voice over)  
LaForge here. Everything is set to  
go. Let’s beam back off this old  
heap. Something about this place  
gives me the creeps.

INT. ENTERPRISE- BRIDGE  
Data, Geordi, T’Shara, and Deanna beam onto the bridge of the  
Enterprise. The crew is working. Will, Picard, and Worf are  
waiting.

DATA  
The vessel has been secured.

PICARD  
Very well.

WORF  
Sir, there is still the matter of a  
Romulan criminal remaining on board  
this ship. She should be in the  
brig if she is to remain on board  
at all. There is also the matter of  
the three Ferengi vessels. We have  
been ignoring their hails.

PICARD  
She will remain here on the bridge  
for now. We will address her  
actions later. Put the Ferengi on  
screen.

The interior of the Ferengi vessel appears on the forward  
viewscreen. The Ferengi are arguing among themselves. They  
stop abruptly when they realize they are being watched.

FERENGI CAPTAIN  
It’s about time!

He notices T’Shara.

FERENGI CAPTAIN (CONT’D)  
You have one of our ships, and the  
Romulan criminal who killed the  
crew! We demand them both returned  
to us!

T’SHARA  
Jean-Luc, just shoot them. Don’t  
leave any evidence.

FERENGI CAPTAIN  
You see? That woman is a psychotic  
criminal!

PICARD  
We will address her actions separately.  
However, we have reason to believe  
that the vessel in question is a  
slave ship. We also have evidence  
that people were being drugged and  
abducted for later sale. That is  
against Federation regulations.

FERENGI CAPTAIN  
We are not obligated to follow your  
Federation regulations.

PICARD  
But you are obligated to observe  
the conventions agreed to in the  
treaty between the Federation and  
the Ferengi Empire, which  
specifically prohibits the  
abduction of Federation citizens  
for any purpose.

FERENGI CAPTAIN  
Lies! All lies!

PICARD  
No, the evidence is quite clear. I  
will give you this opportunity to  
depart peacefully.

FERENGI CAPTAIN  
Depart? We will do no such thing!  
We demand the return of all stolen  
property. We have been waiting too  
long already!

Deanna remains with T’Shara at the rear of the bridge. They  
communicate telepathically.

DEANNA  
I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you  
when you needed me most.

T’SHARA  
I forgive you. You’re the only  
person I’ve ever loved.

DEANNA  
What are you going to do? I can’t  
just sit by and let them put you in  
prison.

T’SHARA  
Then do me one last kindness. Beam  
with me to my ship.

DEANNA  
What good will that do?

T’SHARA  
I have an idea. Trust me, Deanna.  
This will work, and you’ll learn a  
lot. There’s a reason you’ve always  
felt like I was with you when you  
were on the Enterprise. Have a  
little faith in me.

DEANNA  
I will. I love you more than my  
career.

T’SHARA  
I can use my ship to beam us out.  
Say nothing, and no one will notice  
us leave while they argue.

T’Shara and Deanna beam out.

INT. ENTERPRISE- CARGO BAY FOUR  
Bessie stirs to life as they materialize. Troi sets the door  
to open in 30 seconds. They enter Bessie.

INT. BESSIE

T’SHARA  
Hold on, we’re going to go fast.

They fasten their seat belts.

INT. ENTERPRISE- CARGO BAY FOUR  
The door opens and Bessie shoots out into space.

INT. ENTERPRISE- BRIDGE  
An ensign notices the flashing light on his screen, and Will  
notices Deanna and T’Shara are gone.

ENSIGN  
Sir, the door of cargo bay four has  
opened.

PICARD  
What happened?

WILL  
Deanna and T’Shara are gone. She  
used her ship’s transporter.

PICARD  
Put them on the screen.

Bessie is cloaked. Empty space and the Ferengi vessels appear.

WILL  
They’re cloaked.

PICARD  
Ensign, open a generalized hailing  
frequency. Try to find them.

INT. BESSIE  
DEANNA  
Where are we going?

T’SHARA  
Roaming Eagle calling Warbird.  
Permission to dock.

A Romulan voice answers over the com link.

ROMULAN CAPTAIN  
Permission granted.

EXT. SPACESHIPS  
A Romulan warbird decloaks and a shuttle bay opens. Bessie  
enters it and the door closes.

INT. ENTERPRISE- BRIDGE  
On the forward viewscreen, the warbird appears. They watch  
the smaller vessel disappear into it.

ENSIGN  
Two life signs on board, sir, both  
Betazoid.

PICARD  
Deanna, what have you done? Open a  
hailing frequency.

ENSIGN  
They’ve asked us to wait, sir. The  
Ferengi are also trying to  
reestablish contact.

PICARD  
They can certainly wait. Our  
priorities have suddenly shifted.

INT. ROMULAN SHIP- BRIDGE  
The ROMULAN CAPTAIN sits calmly in her chair. The bridge is  
busy with Romulans.

ROMULAN ENSIGN  
The Betazoid vessel has docked.

ROMULAN CAPTAIN  
Beam them up here.

T’Shara and Deanna materialize on the bridge of the Romulan  
ship.

ROMULAN CAPTAIN (CONT’D)  
Greetings, T’Shara. Welcome back.

T’SHARA  
Greetings, Captain, and thank you  
for your aid.

ROMULAN CAPTAIN  
Gladly given. Who is this you have  
brought with you?

T’SHARA  
This is my beloved cousin, Deanna.

ROMULAN CAPTAIN  
I suppose she is the ship’s  
counselor, like you, becoming  
overly emotional at strange,  
inconvenient times?

T’SHARA  
Indeed. Deanna is my Betazoid  
cousin, on my mother’s side. She  
will be no trouble at all.

ROMULAN CAPTAIN  
Very well. She may stay. Keep her  
out of my crew’s way. Where have  
you been?

T’SHARA  
Captain, I was held as a slave by  
the Ferengi.

The Romulan crew becomes visibly angry and agitated. The  
Romulan Captain raises her hand to silence them.

ROMULAN CAPTAIN  
That’s all I needed to hear. Arm  
the torpedoes. Fire at will.

The Romulan crew eagerly springs to action.

DEANNA  
What? T’Shara, what’s happening?

T’SHARA  
The Ferengi will pay for what they  
have done.

ROMULAN CAPTAIN  
We will take away any profit they  
thought they made and their lives,  
as a punishment and a further  
deterrent.

EXT. SPACESHIPS  
The Romulan warship fires a volley of torpedoes at the  
Ferengi ships. Two explode. The third attempts to escape and  
engages the cloaking device.

INT. ENTERPRISE- BRIDGE  
The crew watches the forward viewscreen as the Romulan  
warship fires of volley of torpedoes at the Ferengi ships.  
Two explode. The third attempts to escape and engages the  
cloaking device.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Shields up! What’s happening?

WILL  
Geordi, they’re not after us.  
T’Shara wants her revenge on the  
Ferengi and she’s about to get it.  
They also want to discourage the  
Ferengi from ever kidnapping one of  
their people again.

They watch the forward viewscreen as the Romulan ship fires a  
volley of torpedoes into apparently empty space. The third  
Ferengi ship explodes. Another final torpedo hits the Pirate  
Ship. It explodes.

EXT. SPACESHIPS  
The Romulan ship sits offside as a rain of debris bounces off  
of the Enterprise’ shields.

INT. ENTERPRISE- BRIDGE  
The sounds of debris hitting the shields sounds like a  
hailstorm.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Status?

ENSIGN  
Our shields are protecting us from  
the debris, sir.

WILL  
The only problem is that Deanna is  
still over there.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
Open a hailing frequency to the  
Romulans. Let’s get her back.

ENSIGN  
Yes, sir.

INT. ROMULAN SHIP- BRIDGE

ROMULAN ENSIGN  
Captain, the Enterprise is hailing  
us.

ROMULAN CAPTAIN  
Open the channel.

An image of the Enterprise bridge appears on their forward  
viewscreen. She turns to T’Shara.

ROMULAN CAPTAIN (CONT’D)  
You have regained your honor. It  
will not be said that any Romulan  
was ever held a slave without  
massive retribution.

T’SHARA  
My sincere gratitude, Captain.

T’Shara turns to address Deanna.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
Come to Romulus with me. You keep  
me steadfast. You would be an  
honored guest, and it would make me  
very, very happy. There’s nothing  
the two of us together couldn’t do.

DEANNA  
Defect? T’Shara, I can’t do that.

T’SHARA  
Then this is goodbye, at least for  
now. You’re the only person I’ve  
ever loved and it grieves me deeply  
to part with you.

Deanna and T’Shara embrace. They communicate telepathically.

T’SHARA (CONT’D)  
You have regained your honor, too.  
They held me as a slave but they  
did it in your name.

DEANNA  
You knew there would be a Romulan  
ship here.

T’SHARA  
There is always a Romulan patrol  
that follows the Enterprise around,  
and I was on a number of them. When  
you felt like I was nearby, I was.

DEANNA  
So that wasn’t just wishful  
thinking. You were really there.

T’SHARA  
More often than you could ever  
suspect. I had my hand on the  
transporter many times, but you  
always solved things yourself.  
This is my way of telling you  
everything I could never say  
before, and that I will still be  
here.

DEANNA  
I will still miss you. Think of me.  
You know I would be with you if I  
could.

The Romulan captain rolls her eyes.  
ROMULAN CAPTAIN  
How long is this going to go on?

INT. ENTERPRISE- BRIDGE  
Geordi Laforge is in the captain’s chair. Will sits beside  
him in one seat, Picard in the other.  
The interior of the Romulan ship’s bridge appears on the  
viewscreen. The Romulan Captain is seated in the foreground,  
Deanna and T’Shara still embrace behind her.

WORF  
A Romulan deception! I told you!

WILL  
Worf, please!

WORF  
You are blinded to the truth by  
affection.

Jean-Luc Picard shushes the crew and turns to address the  
Romulan Captain.

PICARD  
Captain, are you aware that over  
three thousand Ferengi just lost  
their lives?

ROMULAN CAPTAIN  
Good. Three thousand less ugly  
little window lickers to abduct and  
molest my crew.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
It’s useless, Admiral. You’re not  
going to change her mind. Arguing  
might only inspire her to go out  
and shoot some more.

Deanna and T’Shara leave off their embrace, but still hold  
hands.

T’SHARA  
Goodbye, Deanna. Think of me often.

DEANNA  
I will, and remember how much I  
love you.

T’SHARA  
I will.

The Romulan captain looks away from the tearful goodbye  
towards Picard.

ROMULAN CAPTAIN  
Are all Betazoids this weepy?

PICARD  
That’s called emotion, Captain.

ROMULAN CAPTAIN  
So it would seem, and I’ve already  
had enough of it. I’ll keep mine.  
Please remove yours from my bridge.

PICARD  
Gladly. Deanna?

Deanna touches her com badge.

DEANNA  
One to beam back.

Deanna materializes on the bridge of the Enterprise, and the  
viewscreen goes dark, showing only the Romulan ship and  
space.

GEORDI LAFORGE  
It’s good to have you back.

Will embraces Deanna.  
WILL  
I’m glad you’re back off that  
Romulan ship. You had me worried  
for a moment.

DEANNA  
I feel awful. Will, we never should  
have left her on Risa.

WILL  
It’s not your fault. Besides, we  
thought those Ferengi were gone  
after I kicked them out of the cafe  
garden. I remember that time the  
Ferengi kidnapped us and your  
mother. Personally, I think the  
Romulan captain is on to something.

PICARD  
Will!

WILL  
It’s true. I’ve had it with those  
greedy little perverts abducting  
and mistreating me and my family!

PICARD  
What do you propose?

WILL  
Personally, I like the Romulans  
solution, but if you don’t, a  
system of fines, taxes and tariffs  
should hit them where it really  
hurts.

PICARD  
Will, I understand how you must  
feel, but we’re not here to start a  
war with the Ferengi Empire, even  
if the Romulans did decide to start  
one. However, I’ll put that last  
suggestion in my report to  
Starfleet.

INT. ROMULAN HOMEWORLD TRANSPORT STATION  
T’Shara walks off the concourse. Among the many Romulans in  
the busy transport station an elderly Romulan man, T’SHARA’S  
FATHER waits. She approaches him happily.

T’SHARA  
Father.

They embrace.

T’SHARA’S FATHER  
Welcome home. I missed you. I worry  
about you out there in space.

T’SHARA  
I missed you, too. I can’t say as  
much for the rest of them.

They walk through the building. They approach an OFFICIAL.  
T’Shara hands him a tablet. He looks at it.

OFFICIAL  
You may claim your vehicle at  
concourse 6.

T’SHARA  
Thank you.

They walk away.

INT. BESSIE

T’SHARA’S FATHER  
This thing still scares me.

T’SHARA  
Why? Are you sure it’s not just my  
driving?

T’SHARA’S FATHER  
Maybe. But I think it needs a  
manual steering console. It needs  
manual brakes. It needs many  
things. Like door handles.

T’Shara laughs.

T’SHARA  
Father, if it had any of those  
things a non-telepath would have  
stolen it from me long ago.

T’SHARA’S FATHER  
It’s been many years. How have your  
adventures gone?

T’SHARA  
There were long stretches of  
uneventful traveling. Parts of it  
were wonderful, like when I visited  
Deanna and her new husband on Risa.  
We met again on a quaint little  
planet called Muppet 7, full of  
fascinating creatures like sentient  
trees, thieving rats and talking  
frogs. She finally married Will Riker, and  
I had great fun impersonating a  
goddess to save them from a tribe  
of musical pigs.

T’Shara’s father smiles.

T’SHARA’S FATHER  
Did she? I’m glad to hear that. I  
know you and your cousin were  
always close. And you?

T’SHARA  
Parts of my travels were horrific.  
I was captured by the Ferengi and  
abducted from Risa.

There is a brief silence.

T’SHARA’S FATHER  
How did you escape?

T’SHARA  
I waited until the right moment,  
and then I poisoned the lot of them  
and fed them back into their own  
replicator system.

There is a brief silence.

T’SHARA’S FATHER  
It’s left a mark on you. Perhaps  
you would like to stay home for a  
while? Study art? Perhaps even find  
a husband?

T’Shara laughs.

T’SHARA  
When the time is right for that  
last part I’m sure I’ll know, and  
you’ll be the first person I tell.

INT. ROMULAN HOMEWORLD VILLA  
T’Shara, T’Shara’s Father, T’SHARA’S MOTHER, an evil version  
of Lwaxana Troi, T’SHARA’S BROTHER, and BROTHER’S WIFE sit  
around a fine table eating dinner. Three OFFWORLD SLAVES play  
light dinner music.

T’SHARA’S MOTHER  
Well, T’Shara, your brother owns  
many properties, and has become  
very wealthy. His house is even  
finer than ours, and he owns  
hundreds of foreign slaves, from  
many different worlds.

T’SHARA’S BROTHER  
You’re enjoying the skills of some  
as we speak. These musicians came  
from Tayrus 4.

T’SHARA’S MOTHER  
A wonderful acquisition.

She nods proudly to her son. He smiles proudly as his wife  
fawns over him. Then she addresses T’Shara.

T’SHARA’S MOTHER (CONT’D)  
He has also advanced to a position  
in the Proconsul’s office. Someday,  
he will be the Proconsul.

T’SHARA’S BROTHER  
That’s part of my twenty-year plan.  
It’s important to have goals.  
Right, T’Shara? Of course, you’d  
rather live offworld in a flying  
shoebox and play with frogs. No  
need for political power or an  
advanced degree to do that, is  
there?

He, his wife, and T’Shara’s mother laugh uproariously while  
T’Shara scowls at him and her father looks embarrassed.

T’SHARA’S BROTHER (CONT’D)  
She’s crazy. Crazy!

They continue to laugh while T’Shara controls her anger.  
T’Shara’s mother smirks at her.

T’SHARA’S MOTHER  
Perhaps you’d like to regale us  
with an exciting tale of what it  
was like to be a slave on a Ferengi  
freighter?

T’Shara’s father drops his fork in horror as the others  
laugh. T’Shara throws her fork down and stands up.

T’SHARA  
That’s it! I’ll take my chances  
offworld. Goodbye, Father.

T’SHARA’S FATHER  
Where are you going?

T’SHARA  
Anywhere.

She turns and walks out to laughter.

T’SHARA’S BROTHER  
She misses her shoebox. Or the  
comforting security of a Starfleet  
brig. She’s crazy, I told you! But  
she might be our ticket to power if  
we go to war the Ferengi.

T’SHARA’S MOTHER  
Oh, she just misses stalking that  
half human cousin she’s so fond of.

More laughter from his mother and wife. The father looks  
stern and displeased.

INT. ROMULAN SHIP- BRIDGE  
T’Shara addresses the captain.

T’SHARA  
When can we be underway?

ROMULAN CAPTAIN  
That was the fastest homeworld  
shore leave ever logged.

T’SHARA  
It was too long. My brother is a  
viper.

ROMULAN CAPTAIN  
We have another six months of  
equipment upgrades before we are  
ready to get underway. Don’t you  
have anything to do?

T’SHARA  
As a matter of fact, I think I do.

The captain smiles as T’Shara leaves.

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
Kermit plays his guitar in the swamp as Bessie lands. The  
other Muppets run and hide. Kermit watches expectantly, as  
T’Shara beams out of Bessie.

KERMIT  
T’Shara! You came back!

T’SHARA  
So, Kermit. Do you think you have  
time for a quick adventure?

KERMIT  
Do I ever!

He runs up and hugs her. She embraces him in return. Gonzo  
emerges from the shrubbery.

GONZO  
Hey, can I come too?

T’SHARA  
Why not?

They beam out.

INT. BESSIE  
Gonzo sits in back grooving to the music while Kermit rides  
up front. The front viewscreen is on. They sing the Adventure  
Song.

EXT. MUPPET 7- DAY  
Bessie lifts off.

FADE OUT


End file.
